I have music in my head.
There aren't any words. At least, none that I know. Other people could probably understand it - I've heard them sing the same song - but most people I meet can't hear it.
It's such a shame. It's a beautiful song, even if it doesn't have any words.
It has colors.
Not 'colors', exactly, since a person can't really hear colors; what is the sound of 'red'? To me, it sounds like a rushing waterfall. 'Red' is water, though my favorite red has a heavier sound than water hitting rocks. It splashes louder, for one thing, and it weighs me down more than water.
'Red' is only one color of the silent symphony I hear.
Silver is another. Silver is more of a feeling than a sound, but it has sounds too. It's a whispering color, almost impossible to hear over red, but the edge it lends to my symphony is ever present. The song just wouldn't be the same without silver. In fact, I doubt I would ever have heard the song at all if silver hadn't first whispered seductively in my ears. It was silver that brought the song to me.
White is yet another, though the color isn't exactly 'white'. It has traces of pink and tan too, though when I see the color outside my head, everyone says it's 'white'. There are all-white patches in the expanse of not-white, but those are small and I hardly take notice. The sound of not-white is the sweetest and the loudest of either red or silver and it rings in my ears and keeps me awake. I sometimes sit up late at night, sharing the song with the stars outside my window. I can't sing it, not nearly as well as other people can, but I can think it and hum it and the stars will hear it.
Sometimes the not-white is replaced by a chocolate brown or a slightly darker not-white other people call 'yellow' - I don't understand that either, but not-white and brown and not-yellow all make almost the same sweet sound. It rings and it rings and it rings almost like many bells clanging at once. It's so pretty. There are other noises not-white and brown and not-yellow make, but the sound of the bells is best and I never remember the other noises.
The sound of the bells is always after the other noises anyway.
There are other colors too, but those always change. Some days it is orange, some days it is yellow, some days it is blue, sometimes it is colors I don't even have a name for, but they all make the same quite buzzing sound. Those colors are only background to the main symphony and those are all quickly overpowered by the sound of red.
It's such a pretty song, but no one else can hear it.
So far five people have sung it for me. I'm looking for the sixth person who knows the song and I think I may have found him.
It is already dark out and the song is playing loudly in my head. The sound of the bells is fading and the sound of red is dying out. I need him to sing it for me so I can carry it with me for a while.
The stars twinkle down at me. They want to hear it too. The moon peers down with interest from behind a cloud. She wants to hear the symphony too. I can't be selfish and keep it to myself this time.
I'm sure he knows the song. He's tall but thin and not-white. Last time the color was brown, but I like not-white better. Not-white and brown do make slightly different sounds. His T-shirt is white and his jeans are blue and his sneakers are black, but I think red would look better on him. Red and silver.
He doesn't see me. I'm hiding. There's green and brown all around me, but I think I need to go where there is darkness and stars instead. He will see me when I step onto his path - dark brown and green and soft with some white hard spots. The rocks crunch under my boots as I step out from the trees and I fall.
The soft brown and green will catch me. The next singer seems surprised by me, since he didn't know I was there. The park closed at sunset, but I've been waiting patiently to find someone to sing for me. Here is the best spot. I see him jump.
I hit the ground and make a small noise like a tiny glass bell. As I push myself to sit up, the man is next to me.
He must know the song. It makes me giddy to think that I will hear it again so soon.
"Miss?"
His voice is musical. I look at him and see his ocean colored eyes. I like them. The color is beautiful.
"Miss? Are you all right?"
I nod, then touch my ankle and look away. The last person I asked to sing for me sang because I was 'hurt' when I crashed into her. She was very nice and her ears were perfectly shaped. I liked them.
I smile. I'll get to hear the song clearly again and this time I can share it.
It's a beautiful song.
"Are you hurt? Did you twist your ankle when you fell?" His voice is softer, like he thinks I don't understand him. Silly boy. I'm not stupid just because I don't speak. I'd just rather listen to the music.
I look back at him.
His eyes really are pretty.
"I'm fine," I say. His smile is pretty too - it's white and big and it's full of relief. He's crouching next to me and now he stands and gives me his hand to help me up. He'll sing for me. I know he will.
I take his hand and let him pull me to my feet. We're about the same height, I notice, my other hand slipping behind my back. It's time for silver, since silver is always the first note of the song. I want to hear it.
"You should be careful. It's dangerous out here, especially these days. Haven't you heard?" he asks me. I shake my head, taking a firm hold of the silver and hearing it start to play.
It's time.
"I don't read the newspaper," I tell him. I don't read very much and there is nothing in the news that I want to hear anyway. All I want is the song and I will get it soon.
His pretty eyes widen at that. Surprise, I think.
"There's a murder investigation going on. The paper reported that the police haven't caught the murderer yet either - five people have been killed already, right in their own homes." He shakes his head and lets go of my hand but doesn't move away. He looks into my eyes. I think he's concerned about my safety and I want to smile. I'm small and slender, I know, which makes it easier to find people who will sing for me. "Where do you live? You shouldn't be walking outside alone this late at night. I'll walk you back."
I shake my head. I don't need a walk back home. I want my song.
"Miss, it could be-"
"I just want a song," I say. Silver gets louder and louder inside my head as his beautiful eyes go confused. The first five singers were confused too, until I helped them understand what song I wanted to hear. "Will you sing for me?"
"S-sing?"
"Yes. Sing." I show him my silver. The whispering of it gets louder in my ears as the moon takes a closer look at my silver and blesses it. It glows in her light and I can feel my smile get bigger.
The man who helped me backs away, ocean eyes wide. I frown. Doesn't he want to sing for me?
"What-" He looks at my silver, then back to my face. He's still backing away. I won't be able to hear him. "What are you doing?"
He sounds scared. I smile again. The others were afraid too, but that makes their songs louder.
"It's an easy song." I tell him, stepping forward. I raise my hand and the silver gets louder still. "Everyone I've asked knows it. Will you sing for me?"
His eyes followed my hand, then they move back to my face for an instant before he turns away and begins to run. I scowl.
I can't hear him like that.
I run after him. He's very fast, but I'm not slow and within moments red is added to the symphony and the gorgeous sound of bells rings through the night air.
I sigh happily as he falls. I nearly tripped over him, but I bend down and grab my knife from his back as he tries to scramble up from the ground. I step on his back and keep him down. He wriggles like a worm, wide blue staring back at me over his shoulder. His shirt now has red in it too.
I knew he would look good in red.
I give him a kick and he makes a noise like a heavy gong, turning over and trying to get up but then I kneel over him with one knee on each side of his chest. His hands are between my knees and the soft brown dirt of the path.
This side doesn't have any red yet.
"Oh God - no, please-"
I hum the song to myself, moving my silver across the white of his shirt and revealing the not-white beneath it. Silver has had its turn and not-white and red need to come in and make the symphony beautiful.
The knife cuts into the not-white of his skin. Crimson red burbles up beneath it and splashes as I slid the silver down the not-white. More red comes out. The sound of bells is slowly beginning to fill the air, interrupted by other noises. I sigh. Perhaps I didn't think this through well enough. The sound of the bells is audible to normal people when it's being sung. I can't share this with the moon and stars, as much as they want me to.
I move the silver to his face, right by his pink petal colored lips. The sound stops.
"I want you to sing, but not so loudly." I tell him. I slide the silver into his mouth and see his eyes widen. "I can't have you singing that loudly. Please hold still."
He does. What a nice boy.
A muffled bell's chime later and I pull my knife out. The silver had a coat of red now and red is coming from between his petal pink lips and over his not-white skin. I haven't heard this in so long and I move my silver back to his not-white chest.
The sounds of the bells are quieter now, almost inaudible as he chokes on the red notes. He thrashes and I almost see my own red when my knife slips from under the not-white color and brings more red into the song. That wasn't nice.
I slap him with my free hand. He desperately tries to spit out the red collecting in his mouth and then the sound of the bells is louder when I move to sit lower on his body and push the silver into his stomach.
More red.
Red red red! It’s a crescendo of red and it roars in my ears. Red covers my hands too, making them sticky and warm.
I giggle, trying to hush myself because I am never the one singing. He is singing for me and I pull the knife up to tap his chin. His movements aren't as fast now and the song is getting weaker.
I frown, lifting my knife and hearing the wet sound as he tries to keep my silver. I grab his face and turn it towards me. Those beautiful blue eyes are going dull.
I like them.
I want them.
"Can I have your eyes?" I ask him. He doesn't respond. "The lady a few days ago let me have her ears."
No response. His eyes seem to be shutting, as if giving me permission. I smile.
"Thanks."
My silver sings again. I have two blue jewels in my pocket now along with two pink shells. Well, they were pink once. They're not the same color anymore, but I can still see how pretty and pink they were when the lady let me take them with me after she sang.
I stand up, shaking my silver to wipe off the red.
It's such a pretty song. It's a pity only I can hear it. At least everyone seems to know the song.
Now all I need to do is find someone else who will sing for me.
I put my silver back where it belongs and turn away from the red and the not-white pile of used notes. I hum the tune as I walk, smiling all the while.
I'm so happy I found someone to sing for me tonight.
Now, who will be next?
Will you sing for me?