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Transparent Masks
I sit on the couch alone, staring at a blank screen.
‘You’re a terrible person you know that? you lie and lie and you just can’t stop can you?’
I think to myself.
“Hey are you okay?” her pleasant sweet voice like honey reaches my ears.
“What?” I look up a bit startled, how long had she been there?
“I asked if you were okay.” she laughed, sitting down next to me.
“Yeah I’m fine….why?” I ask, maybe I had a sour expression on my again.
“Well you’ve seemed a bit off for a few days now.” she rubbed her arm.
I had completely forgotten that I had been so out of it lately, I couldn’t blame her for worrying about me. I probably made her worry all the time. but I don’t want to hurt her again. Especially since that day. The day I broke my promise, my promise that I wouldn’t get in any sort of trouble. but I failed her again. Why can’t I just tell her what’s been going on with me? Why do I have to bottle it up?
We’ve been together for a long time me and her, yet my nerves of coming out to her just gets worse each and everyday.
“I’m fine, I promise if there was something wrong I would tell you first.” I smile.
She frowns “Okay, if you say so but you better not be lying to me.”
I nod “I promise I’m not lying to you, why would I do something like that?” like she would ever know why. It was too complicated to explain and there was no way of her understanding me. I would just have to put up with it myself. To be strong for her.
All of my fears of being caught were no longer there, I had been lying for quite a long time now. I could even convince my brother who I’ve known ever since I was a baby that there was nothing wrong with me. with each mask of mine that breaks another replaces it.
All of my masks being filled with lies to cover up the broken, crying child beneath all of them. simply because I’m too afraid of misunderstandings and judgement so I hide behind a smile because as long as I’m smiling no one will think anything is wrong right?
“Hey.” She says out of nowhere shaking me from my thoughts.
“Yeah?” I turn my attention to her, she seems more calm now almost excited about something.
“I got you a present, I know most guys don’t like mushy stuff but I made this in art today.” she held out an yellow envelope clearly the present was inside.
I took it from her hand and opened it pulling out the elaborate drawing of myself surrounded by different painted masks. “What’s this about?” I ask.
“I know that you’re hurting and that you’re hiding it to protect me, but you don’t have to. I’m here for you just as much as you are for me. That’s my promise.” she pulled me over into a hug.
I paused I hadn’t expected her to be able to look right through me like that, making all of my masks transparent. Before I could even realize what was happening I broke down and finally confessed.
“Thank you for finally telling me.” she whispered refusing to let me go even though I told her I was fine.
In reality I was never fine, and the fact that I finally found someone who could look through me like that sent relief yet fear into me, I had relied on my facade for so long I didn’t know how to be honest but I wanted to learn. For her.
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This piece is supposed to resemble how lies can get out of hand and that sometimes honesty is the best choice instad of using lies to protect someone else.