The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Fan Fiction
  4. The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

View profile

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
Hamlet: A Modern Day Adaptation
By AndersN GOLD
Park City, Utah
AndersN GOLD, Park City, Utah
10 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I saw an angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.&quot; -Michelangelo

View profile
Fiction
The Girl in the Mirror
By Hayden Lambert GOLD
Spring, Texas
Hayden Lambert GOLD, Spring, Texas
11 articles 0 photos 3 comments
View profile
Fiction
Helena
By geekgrrl SILVER
Ellicott City, Maryland
geekgrrl SILVER, Ellicott City, Maryland
6 articles 0 photos 5 comments
View profile
Fiction
The Real End to the Cinderella Story
By Anonymous
Fiction
The Evil Toilet
By Hanna Utkin GOLD
Staten Island, New York
Hanna Utkin GOLD, Staten Island, New York
14 articles 21 photos 2 comments
View profile
Fiction
What if Edward hadn't stopped the van?
By Anawithonen BRONZE
Inglewood, California
Anawithonen BRONZE, Inglewood, California
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;if i could give her a big does of &#039;be nice&#039; then we&#039;d all live happily ever after.&quot; -Stevie Rae, Chosen.

View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

PoetryAngel14 PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 24 2012 at 4:57 pm
PoetryAngel14 PLATINUM, Ithaca, New York
26 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Dare to be imperfect and one day there will tug at your sleeve a soulmate.&quot; ~Robert Brault<br /> &quot;Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.&quot; ~Albert Einstein

View profile
that would so be the best movie ever. someone make it!!
NiklausMikaelson1864 SILVER said...
on Mar. 23 2012 at 6:45 am
NiklausMikaelson1864 SILVER, Southwest Harbor, Maine
5 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Please note that I am saying this as I twirl my metaphorical mustache.&quot; ~Talon McCallister

View profile
I laugh hysterically every time I read this!!!!!!!!
amberkittehs13 BRONZE said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 9:20 pm
amberkittehs13 BRONZE, Arvada, Colorado
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Procrastination is the grave in which oppertunity is buried&quot; -i don&#039;t know who this by

View profile
That was really funny. Itd be awesome if you made more of these parody plays. They are awesome. This is the funniest parody i've ever seen of Twighlight :) :) You should really make more :)
cancergirl said...
on Mar. 19 2012 at 2:02 pm
Freaking Hilarious!i want an oncore!!!
YoruWrites BRONZE said...
on Mar. 14 2012 at 8:02 pm
YoruWrites BRONZE, Shelton, Washington
1 article 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The difference in judgement between you and me originates from different rules derived from past experience.&quot;--Rivaille (Shingeki no Kyojin)

View profile
Very funny and TRUE!!! Lol
Music_Life BRONZE said...
on Mar. 12 2012 at 4:54 pm
Music_Life BRONZE, Sammimish, Washington
2 articles 1 photo 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Music has been there for me when people have not&quot;

View profile
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS SOOOOO FUNNY
blacksummer2014 SILVER said...
on Mar. 11 2012 at 5:22 pm
blacksummer2014 SILVER, Brookfield, Wisconsin
7 articles 4 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;&#039;I love you all; except you, Draco, I can&#039;t f****** stand you&#039;&quot;-- Harry from A Very Potter Musical<br /> <br /> &quot;Granger! Oh I thought you were a boggart!!!&quot; -Albus Dumbledore from A Very Potter Musical

View profile
LOL so funny! XD
Ariya GOLD said...
on Mar. 9 2012 at 7:25 pm
Ariya GOLD, Charleston, South Carolina
12 articles 1 photo 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Some men just want to watch the world burn.<br /> -Alfred (Batman Begins)

View profile
Blew my mind
FireLily2312 SILVER said...
on Mar. 9 2012 at 9:37 am
FireLily2312 SILVER, Troy, Michigan
5 articles 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I do good, but I&#039;m not an angel. I make mistakes, but I am not a sinner. I&#039;m just a girl looking for somebody to love.&quot;

View profile
I want to perform this in drama.
TTTeeSS GOLD said...
on Mar. 8 2012 at 5:28 pm
TTTeeSS GOLD, La Porte, Colorado
17 articles 6 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
There is no such thing as nothing, yet there is such thing as nothing, simply because there is nothing such as nothing.

View profile
I actually semi liked the books, but thought this was hilarious!
kyrireese GOLD said...
on Mar. 5 2012 at 9:11 am
kyrireese GOLD, Dallas, Texas
17 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Everything will absolutely be all right.&quot;<br /> &quot;Hold fast to dreams.&quot; - Langston Hughes

View profile
we just acted this out for my speech class, my friend Austin and I, and they loved it! 
ChasingFantasy said...
on Feb. 28 2012 at 6:32 pm
Oh my gosh...this makes me so happpy! I love it!
LittleFlutiePie GOLD said...
on Feb. 28 2012 at 5:24 pm
LittleFlutiePie GOLD, Greeneville, Tennessee
10 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
I didn&#039;t build the wall to keep people out; I built it to see who cared enough to climb over it.

View profile
Usually, I don't like Twilight parodies, but this is pretty funny lol well done
NNNEEEOOO11 said...
on Feb. 27 2012 at 7:02 pm
NNNEEEOOO11, New York, New York
0 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Everything has a meaning, if only we could read it&quot; -Philip Pullman

View profile
lol. That was awesome!
Soul.Kimiko said...
on Feb. 25 2012 at 7:45 pm
Soul.Kimiko, (The City I&#39m In), Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You know you&#039;re slap happy when you hit someone and it hurts you, and when you get hit and you laugh.&quot; quoted from Ashley my friend

View profile
Lol. my best friend and i are making our own version of the Twilight saga.  
Greenwiz BRONZE said...
on Feb. 25 2012 at 4:33 pm
Greenwiz BRONZE, Ijamsville, Maryland
3 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Fried chicken!&quot; &quot;Recolla!&quot; &quot;Ba-bam!&quot; &quot;Bam Sucker!&quot;

View profile
This is hilarious! My sister is obsessed with twighlitght so it is nice to see people make fun of it.
MissMusicChick BRONZE said...
on Feb. 24 2012 at 2:30 am
MissMusicChick BRONZE, Woodstock, Georgia
2 articles 4 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&hearts; You know you&#039;re in love when you can&#039;t fall asleep &#039;cause reality is finally better than your dreams &hearts;

View profile
You have no idea how much I want to laugh right now. But I can't. Cause it's 3:30 am. And my parents are asleep. And I don't want to get my iPad taken away. But I promise. I am dying of laughter on the inside :)
MMorton said...
on Feb. 22 2012 at 8:05 am
MMorton, N/A, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 23 comments
View profile
That was awesome-ness in a story about movies i hate. YAY!
nelehjr DIAMOND said...
on Feb. 21 2012 at 1:03 pm
nelehjr DIAMOND, Lingle, Wyoming
60 articles 11 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

View profile
All's I have to say is: ROFL! Good job!
inkflowerKNC said...
on Feb. 19 2012 at 9:07 pm
inkflowerKNC, Townsend, Delaware
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When at first you don&#039;t succeed, try, try again.&quot;

View profile
ahahaaa! This is rich! nice one.... i dont even like Twilight so u know i enjoyed this.