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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

DarknessForever13 SILVER said...
on Oct. 14 2010 at 6:50 pm
DarknessForever13 SILVER, Gainesville, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
Quoth the Raven: &quot;Nevermore!&quot;<br /> &quot;What&#039;s right isn&#039;t always popular, but what&#039;s popular isn&#039;t always right.&quot; - Unknown

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    It's me again, my apologizes, I forgot to ask in my other comment since I was rolling laughing. If you don'y mind, would you take a look at my work? I would be eternaly grateful if you could. 
MosoSem GOLD said...
on Oct. 13 2010 at 9:32 pm
MosoSem GOLD, Maseru, Other
14 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;m beautiful in my way, because God makes no mistakes, baby I was born this way!&quot;, Lady Gaga.

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I love this! I think you're very creative and insightful. Not to mrntion a taented comedy screenwriter. Thanks for adding humor to my life
_Rose_Red_ BRONZE said...
on Oct. 13 2010 at 12:18 pm
_Rose_Red_ BRONZE, Many, Louisiana
4 articles 1 photo 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes the dreams that come true, are the dreams that you never even knew you had!&quot;

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Cool hilarious

 

Quick Question Are you a twilight fan??

 

NAWolfrom GOLD said...
on Oct. 12 2010 at 6:16 pm
NAWolfrom GOLD, Bel Air, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You have to take it as it happens, but you should try to make it happen the way you want to take it.&quot; -German Proverb

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So this is my new favorite! I love this!

 

You're amazing, just so you know.

fashionlover16 SILVER said...
on Oct. 12 2010 at 5:29 pm
fashionlover16 SILVER, New Gloucester, Maine
5 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I honestly don&#039;t know what my favorite personal quote is. I can tell u what i like, if u want that. I really like the twilight series. whenever my mom suggests that we should go shopping, i light up. I love shopping. well thats about it, byez!!!!! &lt;3

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wats twilight?
Hollyss SILVER said...
on Oct. 12 2010 at 3:36 pm
Hollyss SILVER, Stafford, Virginia
8 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Fiction reveals what reality obscures&quot;-Jessamyn West<br /> &quot;You can&#039;t leap a 20-ft chasm in 2 10-ft jumps.&quot;-Anonymous

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Love it. So true!
smilesandlaughs said...
on Oct. 11 2010 at 7:37 pm
Wow that was so funny, especially about the gun and bell saying im aliiive!!!!
chocolateluver said...
on Oct. 10 2010 at 5:06 pm
From what my friends have sayd about Twilight, totally true!!! LOL!!!
JBluver1996 said...
on Oct. 10 2010 at 5:03 pm
omg! i luv twilight and h8 when ppl dis it......but that was hilarious
HOPEfully SILVER said...
on Oct. 10 2010 at 2:26 pm
HOPEfully SILVER, Clayton, North Carolina
6 articles 1 photo 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
My Cinderella. She is real. She exists. I pray for her constantly. May God satisfy the desires of her heart, draw her close, consume her. May He claim her passions, her identity, her refuge, her hopes, her strengths and weaknesses -Adam Young

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i don't even do twilight but this is HILARIOUS

 

"it was anti climatic" LOL

great job.

squalur996 GOLD said...
on Oct. 9 2010 at 6:10 pm
squalur996 GOLD, Henderson, Nevada
10 articles 3 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character....would you slow down? Or speed up?<br /> -- Chuck Palanick

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HAHAHA!! :P
EmilyClark BRONZE said...
on Oct. 9 2010 at 11:17 am
EmilyClark BRONZE, Wayne, Pennsylvania
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments
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This is funny, but true.
reenay_95 GOLD said...
on Oct. 8 2010 at 9:14 pm
reenay_95 GOLD, West Lafayette, Indiana
16 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
You can&#039;t see the stars if you are always looking down.

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i love you.
purplepanther101 said...
on Oct. 8 2010 at 8:32 pm
i love this. it is great because instead of reading 2000 plus pages it all right there.
JB!! said...
on Oct. 8 2010 at 7:33 pm
Awsome Is all I can say
Lady Gaga said...
on Oct. 8 2010 at 4:35 pm

Hi,

My name is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta. I really love your story and these little monsters in it.

Sarah Rocks said...
on Oct. 8 2010 at 3:07 pm
omg, i'm such a big fan, and this like, is so awesome!!!! And.... XD
RWHGHP said...
on Oct. 8 2010 at 2:07 pm
I hate Twilight. But, this is AWESOME!!! It's so true, I think it's sad that she chooses the guy that is responsible for putting her in so much danger.
I <3 Hey Monday said...
on Oct. 8 2010 at 1:59 pm
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL   this is so funny and true. :)
Jchloe5 said...
on Oct. 8 2010 at 1:34 pm
wicked story