The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Fan Fiction
  4. The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

View profile

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
Final Fantasy 7 Fan Fic Pure Hearts
By Anonymous
Fiction
The quest of Avalon
By Alexandria amillia alishia BRONZE
Hooper, Utah
Alexandria amillia alishia BRONZE, Hooper, Utah
1 article 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Fiction
What if Edward hadn't stopped the van?
By Anawithonen BRONZE
Inglewood, California
Anawithonen BRONZE, Inglewood, California
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;if i could give her a big does of &#039;be nice&#039; then we&#039;d all live happily ever after.&quot; -Stevie Rae, Chosen.

View profile
Fiction
Harvest Moon:The Begining!
By Amer-Nae PLATINUM
Maynard, Arkansas
Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
29 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

View profile
Fiction
The Institute
By MythicalBriBear GOLD
Peru, Nebraska
MythicalBriBear GOLD, Peru, Nebraska
11 articles 0 photos 4 comments
View profile
Fiction
Paramore's New Girl
By u4girlz BRONZE
Swanton, Ohio
u4girlz BRONZE, Swanton, Ohio
2 articles 1 photo 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Too many people too angry at a world that isn&#039;t the least bit angry at them.

View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

TheUnknownIsBliss GOLD said...
on Dec. 18 2009 at 9:01 pm
TheUnknownIsBliss GOLD, East Patchogue, New York
12 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
I would like to stay out of the box we call &quot;normal&quot;.

View profile
I LOVEE it!!! I am a HUMUNGO Twilight fan, and that sounded exactly like something I would say. NO hate there. I sent the link to al my friends and i will make a video also and send it to you!! Byee!!!
Erperderp said...
on Dec. 17 2009 at 12:51 pm
Erperderp, Bangor, Maine
0 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
EAT THE STUPID COOKIE!!!!

View profile
OMG THIS is so funny I LOVE TWILGHT BUT THIS IS PERFECT....... its so awsome!!!Q!
yoursunshinee59 said...
on Dec. 16 2009 at 9:41 pm
yoursunshinee59, Colleyville, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
View profile
LMAO! i LOVED it! I'm a huge Twilight fan, but I'm fine with parodies cause they just make my day! (no hate!) That was by-far hilarious, lol though I think you should put in the entire Volturi thing so it'd be Twilight in five minutes but still catchy!(:

Awesome job!
Kayla Lautner said...
on Dec. 14 2009 at 7:07 pm
Hahaha! I luved this....Yeah....GO TAYLOR lAUTNER!!!
Truthwillprevail said...
on Dec. 14 2009 at 6:57 pm
oh gosh! I am very very much anti-Twilight, thus, i loved this! and just so you all don't get the idea that i'm judging you for liking the books or movies, or you think i'm dissing without knowing anything about either, i've done my research. I have not and will not read or watch the Twilight books/movies.
Navygal said...
on Dec. 13 2009 at 1:07 pm
Navygal, Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania
0 articles 1 photo 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
Today you are you, that is truer than true, there is no one alive that is youer than you.<br /> ~Dr.Seuss

View profile
This was the best interpretation of Twilight yet!!! I couldn't stop laughing, because this is all so true. Keep up the great work!!
Raven_Lilith_Jace GOLD said...
on Dec. 13 2009 at 2:48 am
Raven_Lilith_Jace GOLD, Boonville, Missouri
12 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I reject your reality and substitute me own!&quot;<br /> <br /> <br /> - Adam Savage &quot;Mythbusters&quot;

View profile
omigawd this is so hilarious! I love it!
forgottenpenname GOLD said...
on Dec. 12 2009 at 12:16 pm
forgottenpenname GOLD, Troy, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 147 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Carpe diem.&quot;

View profile
*laughing head off* Oh my gosh! Just! *gasps for breath* HILARIOUS!!*
outoforder2014 said...
on Dec. 12 2009 at 9:26 am
ehh, i think ERGrey is right. there isnt really a story line to the Twilight Saga accept for an old guy that looks 17 falls in love with a girl and they go through all this drama, but it gets annoying when you get around to the last book, ya no? ehh. but thats just my opinion
xEmmiiix BRONZE said...
on Dec. 11 2009 at 1:32 pm
xEmmiiix BRONZE, East Meadow, New York
2 articles 0 photos 35 comments
View profile
Lol that was exactly what you said it would be.
bronte SILVER said...
on Dec. 10 2009 at 5:23 pm
bronte SILVER, Lake Oswego, Oregon
5 articles 0 photos 3 comments
View profile
Lol. Period.
Parasols said...
on Dec. 10 2009 at 2:18 pm
Parasols, Abilene, Texas
0 articles 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Time is making fools of us again.&quot; - J.K. Rowling

View profile
This is hilarious! :D

I'm tempted to film this with my friends when I see them over winter break. x)
HollyFac said...
on Dec. 7 2009 at 8:30 pm
HollyFac, Bensalem, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
View profile
I love the Twilight Saga, but this made me laugh very, very hard.

Kudos.
LaylaViolet said...
on Dec. 7 2009 at 11:52 am
I don't know why everyone hates on Twilight. It's not bad. Many of you are just too critical. This did make me laugh, totally hilarious because I can picture the actors. Yes, the series is easy to sum up, but it doesn't mean it's awful.
caitlin.calamity BRONZE said...
on Dec. 6 2009 at 6:24 pm
caitlin.calamity BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress. <br /> -Bruce Barton

View profile
AHHHHmazing. (: That's pretty much all there is to the books....
TheBoredGirl SILVER said...
on Dec. 6 2009 at 4:30 pm
TheBoredGirl SILVER, Senoia, Georgia
7 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You can&#039;t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.&quot;

View profile
At least I'm not the only one who sees how good this series really is. Very good, my friend, very good.
UncertainlyClear BRONZE said...
on Dec. 5 2009 at 3:59 pm
UncertainlyClear BRONZE, Haikou, Other
4 articles 1 photo 8 comments
View profile
haha hilarious!
kaleyj SILVER said...
on Dec. 4 2009 at 3:07 pm
kaleyj SILVER, East Lyme, Connecticut
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;In school, my teacher had us<br /> write down what we wanted to<br /> be when we grew up. I wrote<br /> down &quot;happy&quot;. She told me I<br /> didn&#039;t understand the assignment. <br /> I told her she didn&#039;t understand life.&quot;

View profile
you got that right :)
kaleyj SILVER said...
on Dec. 4 2009 at 3:06 pm
kaleyj SILVER, East Lyme, Connecticut
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;In school, my teacher had us<br /> write down what we wanted to<br /> be when we grew up. I wrote<br /> down &quot;happy&quot;. She told me I<br /> didn&#039;t understand the assignment. <br /> I told her she didn&#039;t understand life.&quot;

View profile
definately not. and when people compare it to harry potter?! pssht, they arent even in the same league.
kaleyj SILVER said...
on Dec. 4 2009 at 3:05 pm
kaleyj SILVER, East Lyme, Connecticut
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;In school, my teacher had us<br /> write down what we wanted to<br /> be when we grew up. I wrote<br /> down &quot;happy&quot;. She told me I<br /> didn&#039;t understand the assignment. <br /> I told her she didn&#039;t understand life.&quot;

View profile
haha this is great:) especially because the whole twilight plot could be summed up in two minutes. its pretty shallow.