Her hair was a dark contrast in blur of white snow. I can still hear her laugh over the howl of the wind. I am so empty without her. My older sister, my other half, my better half. Gone. Gone forever. She was the only reason I never ran away. I have nothing to keep me anymore. I start throwing everything important into my backpack. Clothes, toothbrush, shoes, some candy bars, a picture of my sister, some headphones, a blanket, my iPod, which I have already disconnected from iTunes so it can’t be found. I wouldn’t normally take it, but it has all my pictures on it. It’s been two weeks. Two weeks since I walked into the bathroom to see Jenna, lying on the floor bleeding to death. Two weeks since I called the ambulance. Two weeks since she spoke her last words to me, “Goodbye Sara. I am so sorry.” Two weeks since I begged her to stay with me. Two weeks since the paramedics told me there was nothing they could do. Two weeks since mom left. Two weeks since dad never stopped crying. Two weeks since I became numb. Two weeks since I decided to leave. Two weeks since my life ended with my sister’s.

I trudged out into the snow, two weeks after her death. I started off for the woods, no one would find me out there. The Canadian woods stretched on for miles behind my house. If I was smart, I could make it far enough and drop into a town every couple days. Jenna always said we’d run away together. But then she left me. She ran away without me. I had to go now. It was done. Dad didn’t need me. He hadn’t spoke to me since she died. He said I looked too much like her. I didn’t though. Her hair had been long, dark, straight, beautiful. My hair curled at the ends, just above my shoulders, uncontrollable. Her eyes had been a perfect mix between green and blue. Mine were gray, an ugly, dull gray. Mom didn’t need me anymore either. As soon as I called her she ran home, packed up her stuff and left. I haven’t spoke to her in two weeks.

This was a bad idea. I’ve been out here an hour and I’m already too cold to walk any farther. Why did she have to leave in January? She couldn’t have waited until May? We could have left together. Of course not. I can’t feel my feet. I can’t do this. It’s too late to turn around. I’m not sure where I am. I’m scared. I’m lost. Where are you Jenna? I need you.

It’s been a day since I left. I’m assuming Dad has noticed by now. I am so cold I can barely think. Jenna shouldn’t have done this to me. It’s her fault. All of this is her fault. I hate her. I hate her.

It’s been thirty hours since I left. My blanket is useless. It’s wet from all the snow. So are all my clothes. My iPod won’t work anymore so I can’t even look at my pictures. My hands are numb and turning blue. I don’t think I’m going to make it. This is all Jenna’s fault. She should have never left. She should have never left me. This is all her fault. I’m only fifteen. It’s not fair. I’m numb. I can barely keep my eyes open. This is the end. I know it. Is this how Jenna felt? I’m sorry Jenna. I didn’t mean it. I love you. You’re my older sister. We were born one year apart and we’re dying two weeks and one day apart. I’m so sorry Jenna. Make room for me in Heaven. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I’m so sorr-