I love him so much. But he will never know, because he likes her instead. I’m hundreds of miles away; I can’t do anything about that.
He has gorgeous eyes. They’re ice blue with gray around the edges and little dark blue flecks. Those eyes look right into your heart if you’re not careful.
And he has the most amazing smile. When you try to take a photo of him, the smile goes out of his eyes and he fakes it for the camera.
But I have a photo of him that was snapped when he wasn’t expecting it, and he’s smiling his real smile. He hasn’t had time to fake the smile yet, and the laughter is still in those perfect eyes.
I call it ‘My Smile’ even though I’m sure that smile was meant for her.
And I can’t do anything about that either.
The only thing I can do is refuse to tell him how I feel, and continue to always be there for him. I can’t tell him, things are just starting to get better with the other girl.
I can’t add my feelings to everything he’s already thinking about.
I won’t do that to him.
In that movie last night, I kept looking at that empty seat next to me and wishing he were there. I kept reaching for a nonexistent hand.
And the worst part? He was in the same movie at the same time, five hundred miles away, wishing she were next to him.
He tells me when they fight, he tells me when they make up, he told me when she said she’d go to prom with him.
And I’m always happy for him when it’s going right, always crushed when he’s crushed.
She’s the only one he wants, he’s the only one I want.
Bu I can’t wallow in self-pity forever.
Maybe after prom I’ll be able to spill my guts like he spilled his and maybe he will feel the same.
Maybe we will end up boyfriend and girlfriend.
Maybe someday all my crazy far-fetched fantasies about us will come true.
Maybe.