The Miss. Troy Beauty Pageant
Characters
Narrator
Aphrodite
Hera
Paris

Helen

Athena
Preface
Narrator: Want to hear a joke? … A blonde, a burnet, and a red head enter a beauty contest and argue!
Act I
Setting- Dressing room for a beauty pageant w/ Aphrodite sitting in front of a mirror
Hera Enters
Hera: What are you doing here!?! (Angry)
Aphrodite: I’m here to win the beauty contest!
Athena Enters
Athena: Well, this is more or less a beauty pageant.
Aphrodite w/ Hera: Oh, what do you know! (Angry)
Athena: I’m the goddess of wisdom and knowledge, you incompetent fools.
Aphrodite: You’re the one who’s- whose incomp- incompu- incoimp- Oh, you know what I mean! (Angry)
Hera: When you try to use a comeback you should have a better one! Blonde Brains!!! (Angry)
The 3 goddesses begin to argue
Narrator Enters
Narrator: It is clear to see that these 3 have issues with each other, but (looks at Hera) When you marry your little brother (looks back at audience) expect problems.
Hera: Hey you would to, if he was hot!
Narrator: Actually, no. I don’t have one even, and you’re being a weirdo.
Hera: I’m not a weirdo! (Angry and Defensive)
Athena: Denial…
Hera: But, you came out of your father’s head!
Aphrodite: Yeah! And, that makes you a weirdo!
Athena: That’s only because he ate my mom, while she was pregnant with me!
Narrator: And the arguing begins again. (Sighs)
Act II
Setting- Talent Stage w/ the 3 goddesses in the spotlights
Paris Enters
Paris: Welcome ladies and gentle men, gods and goddesses! This is the 1st ever Miss. Troy Beauty Pageant! (Gestures to Goddesses) And these are our 3 contestants! Athena with the burnet hair; she is the goddess of knowledge! Aphrodite with the blonde hair; she is the goddess of love! And finally Hera with the ginger hair; she’s the queen of the gods!
Narrator walks across stage w/ a sign that reads Clap!
Paris: And now for the talent portion of the pageant! Contestants will have 5 minutes to showcase their individual and special talents.
Aphrodite raises her hand
Paris: Yes, Aphrodite?
Aphrodite: What’s a shouw caze?
Athena: Show case, Blondie! It means to show off in this sangria.
Aphrodite: Scenario?
Hera: Urgh!!! Why are you so stupid!!! (Very Angry)
Paris: Umm… Contest time begins… NOW!
Athena begins working on a math problem while working on a dress
Aphrodite try’s to put makeup on Paris, but then puts it on the Narrator
Hera begins doing the Narrator’s hair
After Paris has scored them
Narrator: Now for the scores. Paris how would you say Hera did, with my hair.
Narrator spins to show off hair
Paris holds up a card w/ an 8 on it
Hera does a happy dance
Narrator: And how would you say Aphrodite did on my make up?
Paris holds up a card w/ a 6 on it
Aphrodite throws a fit and storms off stage
Narrator wipes makeup off
Narrator: And how would you say Athena did on her… Which was your talent, the math problem or the dress?
Athena: I made the dress using math.
Narrator: Okay then, Paris how would you grade Athena’s mathematical dress?
Paris holds up a card w/ a 10 on it
Narrator: And Athena wins the talent compatishon!
Athena waves royally and slowly
Act III
Setting- Fashion Runway (Drawn on board) Paris is stilling next to a drawing of a judge’s table.
Narrator Enters
Narrator Enters
Narrator: Now for the fashion portion of the pageant! Here coma’s Hera!
Narrator sits down next to Paris
Hera Enters
Hera struts forward poses and turns around to walk off stage
Paris holds up a card w/ a 9
Narrator: Now Athena is strutting her stuff!
Athena Enters
Athena struts forward and turns around to walk off stage
Paris holds up a card w/ an 8
Narrator: And now for Aphrodite!
Aphrodite Enters
Aphrodite struts forward and turns around to walk off stage
Paris holds up a card w/ a 10
Act IV
Setting- Backstage of the runway Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite are there
Athena: I didn’t do so hot this time… (Disappointed)
Aphrodite: You’re never that hot, I’m the hottest.
Hera: (Looks at Aphrodite) I can’t believe you beat me, this round!!! (Angry)
Aphrodite: I can’t help it if I’m so hot. (Shrugs w/ hands)
Athena and Hera glare figurative laser beams into Aphrodite’s head
Narrator Enters
Narrator: Changing scenes before more fighting begins
Act V
Setting- Final Stage Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite are sitting across from Paris while the Narrator stands center stage
Narrator: We have arrived at the final stage of the pageant. Let us begin the question and answer segment!
Narrator sits in the corner
Paris: I want to know what each of you have to offer me. Hera?
Hera: I offer you the concurring of the entire known world!
Paris nervously pulls at his toga’s collar
Paris: Yeah… Sounds fun… Athena, it's your turn.
Athena: With my help you can concur all of Greece!
Paris: Umm… Aphrodite, what do you have to offer me?
Aphrodite: The prettiest girl in the entire world!
Paris: Who is she!?! She sounds nice!
Aphrodite pulls out a Barbie
Aphrodite: Behold! Helen!
Paris: You win!
Athena and Hera: Not fair!
Aphrodite: It is! I won!
Hera: But, I’m queen of the gods! I should be the winner!
Athena pulls out a drawling
Athena: Well, at least I can draw!
Everyone pauses
Narrator gets up and walks to center stage
Narrator: The End
Everybody bows