EXT. Main Street - Day

QUINN and ISAAC stroll down a sidewalk. Quinn, small and bespectacled, wears wet clothes, his hair matted down, stray feathers clinging to him. A "LOSER" sign taped to his back falls onto the sidewalk. He holds a couple comic books. Isaac, slightly larger, dry, carries a backpack.

QUINN

I detest life.

ISAAC

Here.

Isaac holds out a case of gum. Quinn pulls the piece and yelps. It's shock gum. Isaac puts it in his pocket, smiling at Quinn. A beat.

QUINN

I detest you.

ISAAC

Dude, I'm sorry. That was supposed to cheer you up.

QUINN

Your pranks are mean.

ISAAC

No they're not. Not all of them. What they did to you was mean.

QUINN

I'm a lone wolf-

ISAAC

(interrupting)

Dude-

QUINN

(continuing)

Outcast by society, a freak among mortals. And yet-

ISAAC

Stop it.

QUINN

(continuing)

I protect this retched city from villians who wish to destroy it and all who live.

Isaac takes a squirting flower out of his pocket and nails Quinn's face. Quinn squeals and flinches, shielding the comics.

ISAAC

Lighten up, will you? You're not a superhero. You're a kid with normal DNA, two living parents, and a five dollar allowance.

Quinn's face falls, eyes to the COMICS, wet and torn. A beat.

QUINN

(depressed)

They were mint condition.

ISAAC

I hate seeing you like this. You can't even stand up for yourself.

Quinn's eyes stay on the books.

QUINN

Sure I could.

ISAAC

Really? You think you're brave enough? You can't even sleep without a nightlight.

QUINN

Don't tell people that.

Isaac glances across the street spotting a dirty alleyway.

ISAAC

(pointing)

Here, look. If you stand in there for twenty seconds, I'll keep your nightlight secret.

QUINN

(stuttering)

But, sanitation, burglars-!

Isaac shoves Quinn, who glares back. Quinn looks both ways twice before crossing the street.

cut to:

ext. alleyway - day

He enters the alleyway and turns back to face Isaac. He motions Quinn to go further. Quinn walks past a dumpster, and turns back again. An unconscious teen NERD lies against the dumpster.

Quinn squeals and drops the comics. Arms flailing, he bolts out of the alleyway, a car nearly running him over.

ISAAC

What the-!

QUINN

(stuttering)

There's a dead guy!

ISAAC

Whoa man, chill.

Isaac peels Quinn off and crosses the street.

QUINN

Don't go over there!

Isaac kneels over the nerd. Quinn appears beside Isaac, hyperventilating. Isaac grabs the nerd's wrist, feeling for a pulse.

ISAAC

He's not dead. Looks like he passed out.

QUINN

Good, we can call the cops.

Isaac rolls his eyes. Quinn starts walking and trips over the nerd's legs. He sees a SUITCASE underneath the dumpster. He crawls under and reemerges with it. An envelope sticks out of the side.

Quinn takes the envelope. Isaac snatches the case while Quinn opens the letter.

INSERT: The letter's beginning: "I, Perry Page, declare this to be my last will and testament, and I revoke any and all wills and codicils I previously made."

Isaac turns the case over.

ISAAC

Fancy looking suitcase.

Quinn flips the page, finding a highlighted section.

INSERT: Highlighted: "And to my grandson, Simon Page, I leave my SuperComix store, and one of my greatest treasures in my old travel case."

Isaac shakes the case.

ISAAC

Sounds like paper. Paper moneeeeey.

QUINN

(to himself)

Perry Page. (beat) I know him-

The NERD gasps, scaring the boys. He looks at Quinn, then the suitcase.

NERD

Are they gone?

ISAAC

Who-?

voice

Hey nerd!

The two boys look up and see THREE BULLIES standing at the alley entrance. The nerd huddles in the corner. The LEADER cracks his knuckles, eyeing the CASE.

leader

(menacing)

What's yours is mine. Hand it over.

Quinn and Isaac bolt, other two bullies giving chase. Isaac carries the case. The nerd peeks over his knees.

cut to:

ext. alley crossroad - day

Quinn and Isaac each duck behind a column. They whisper to each other.

ISAAC

Crap! Craaaap!

QUINN

I knew that was a bad idea!

ISAAC

Why didn't you stop me?!

QUINN

I said call the cops!

ISAAC

Shut up!

The boys look back, hearing the bullies coming.

ISAAC

What do we do?

Quinn bites his lip and eyes Isaac's backpack.

QUINN

What's in there?

ISAAC

(shrugs)

Usual stuff.

Quinn looks down the alley and back at the backpack.

cut to:

EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY

The bullies hurtle boxes and curbs, knocking over trash cans, searching for their prey.

cut to:

EXT. ALLEY CROSSROAD - DAY

INSERT: Quinn's HANDS take a roll of plastic wrap out of a box and peel it from the roll.

Quinn hurries around the two columns, making a strong bond around the top. He hums the Spiderman theme. The bullies approach. Isaac pulls Quinn behind another wall and shushes him.

The bullies run into the crossroads. Their heads slam into the wrap-trap, and they fall on their backs.

QUINN

HA!

Isaac covers Quinn's mouth and the two rush off again, the bullies getting up to follow. Once they're up, they run past the pillars and down another alley.

cut to:

ext. dark alley - day

Hear a door slam, and the bullies appear at the alley entrance. They run towards the door.

Bully #1

We got 'em now!

He opens the door and two giant rubber spiders fall to the ground. They screech and leap backward, running over the leader. The leader stands up and brushes himself off, picking up a spider.

leader

You twits! Scared of a bug?

bully #2

(cowering)

Well, actually, y'know, they're not-

LEADER

(throws spider)

I don't care! Come on.

They continue down the alley, searching for the boys.

cut to:

EXT. storefront - day

The bullies come out of the alley. A ways away, the boys see them and duck into a clothing store.

cut to:

Int. Thrift store - day

Clothes and mannequins fill the inside of the shop. Isaac stares out the window.

ISAAC

Dude, they're coming.

Quinn takes a gun from a toy shelf and switches his glasses for a mannequin's sunglasses.

QUINN

Disguise time.

cut to:

INT. thrift STORE - DAY

The bullies burst into the store. They tear through the racks, throwing clothes everywhere, searching for the boys.

The leader spots a mannequin covered with jackets and hats, wearing glasses. He casually starts walking past it, then turns and grabs it in a headlock.

LEADER

Gotcha!

The head falls off. He throws the mannequin down.

A SECURITY GUARD approaches.

guard

You hooligans get outta my store, or I'm calling the police!

The bullies leave in a huff. Behind the guard, the boys peek over a clothing rack.

ISAAC

Coast is clear.

The guard turns as they emerge. Quinn wears a trench coat, sunglasses, and a fedora. Isaac wears green pants and feather boa.

GUARD

What is this?

QUINN

(stuttering)

Oh, well, you see, it's a movie. We're filming a movie.

GUARD

A movie?

ISAAC

Yeah, we're the cameramen. It's a new thing: incognito filming.

GUARD

Get out.

QUINN

But the clothes-

GUARD

Just leave.

The boys start leaving. Before Quinn heads out the door he digs around in his pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Eyes locked on the guard, he squats slowly, dumping the coins on the mat. He returns to standing position for a beat, then rushes out.

cut to:

EXT. STOREFRONT - DAY

The boys, back outside, make an easy spot for the bullies. They run into another alley, and after a few turns come to a dark dead end.

EXT. DEAD END - DAY

Quinn and Isaac flounder for a way out.

ISAAC

(freaking out)

That's it. We're done. Biting the dust, buying the farm, kicking the bucket, giving up the ghost. We're gonna be food for worms!

Isaac falls to his knees.

ISAAC

Oh why must the good die so young?

Quinn shakes his head, rolling his eyes. He grabs Isaac's backpack and roots through it. He takes out boxes of BANG SNAPS and starts covering the floor with tons of them.

ISAAC

What are you doing?!

QUINN

I have an idea!

Isaac hesitates. Quinn stops, looks up.

QUINN

Do you want to go home alive?

Isaac nods.

QUINN

Then you'll play dead.

cut to:

EXT. ALLEYWAY - DAY

The bullies jog through.

BULLY #1

It's getting kinda dark.

BULLY #2

Yeah, maybe someone else got them already, and we can go get pizza or something.

LEADER

Quit being prissies!

Isaac's terrified screech echoes through the alley. The bullies freeze. They continue cautiously.

cut to:

EXT. DEAD END - DAY

They find the entrance to the dead end. Isaac lays in front of Quinn, fake blood decorating his shirt and pooling around his body.

Quinn eyes the bullies.

QUINN

Come to join the party?

LEADER

What the hell?

QUINN

You know, I tried to be nice. I ran away. Gave a couple warnings. And yet you still follow me.

BULLY #1

(motions to Isaac)

But, but-

QUINN

Every villain needs an identity, one that no one will ever guess. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. As are you.

Quinn pulls the TOY GUN from his coat. The bullies' eyes widen.

QUINN

(gesturing to gun)

Nice, isn't she? I call her Snapper. Makes the job as easy as snapping your fingers.

Quinn trains the gun on the bullies.

QUINN

Now I'm gonna count to three. Either you back down, or I'll send you where scum belong.

LEADER

(scared)

I'm not scared of you.

QUINN

One.

LEADER

You better watch yourself!

QUINN

Two.

The leader lunges over Isaac at Quinn. Quinn shuts his eyes and pulls the trigger. The snap bombs go off under the leader's feet, echoing off the walls. The two other bullies bolt, squealing.

The leader turns to run, tripping on Isaac. Isaac screeches and thrashes. The leader screams, and hurries after his henchmen. Isaac sits up, looking after them. He turns to Quinn, a goofy grin on his face. Quinn blows on the gun's muzzle.

QUINN

Three.

cut to:

EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY

Quinn walks down the street in his normal clothes, the briefcase under his arm. He steps into a comic book store. A sign is taped to the door.

INSERT: Sign "We wish Perry Page the best as he leaves this world to enter the next. Condolences may be sent to [email protected]"

cut to:

INT. comic store - day

Quinn sets the case on the counter. The nerd is there, bandage around his head, name-tag "SIMON" on his chest.

SIMON

Man, I really appreciate this. Granddad would've been devastated if I'd lost it.

QUINN

No problem. It's what heroes do.

Quinn turns to leave.

SIMON

Wait!

Quinn turns again as Simon opens the case. Inside are two stacks of mint-condition comic books. Simon takes a couple out and hands them to Quinn.

SIMON

He would want you to have these.

Quinn takes the comics and smiles. He thanks Simon and leaves. Simon closes the case.

Fade to Black