All I ever wanted was a child, a beautiful baby to call my own. This dream followed me throughout my adolescence and most of my adult life. Until one day, the dream became a reality! Squirming in the back seat as the blurred trees rushed by, Tan began to whine. “Don’t worry, we’ll be there soon.” I consoled the four-year-old from the front and slowly began to accelerate towards our destination. The smell of the dusty, old car filled my nose. I proceeded to roll down the windows for a breath of fresh air when I noticed drops of rain begin to fall. There was a flash of lightning and moments later, my phone buzzed with an amber alert as the booming sound of thunder reached my ears. Ignoring the alert, I turned my focus back to the road ahead and Tan asked, “Where are we?” I told him what I had repeated several times before, “We aren’t far now, hold your horses.” He then continued to say, “I don’t like this! I want to go home!” I understood his impatience, for we had been driving for quite a while, and his complaints were soon drowned out by a symphony of pouring rain hitting the asphalt. The dark sky loomed over us, and flashes of headlights passed us by. Tan’s eyes began to droop, his head descending until I could no longer see him in my rearview mirror. The depressing weather and monotonous sounds of splashing water mixed with running engines and left me to my thoughts…

            It happened in late December on one of the coldest days of the year. The snowflakes fell luxuriously as if someone had poured the feathers of a satin pillow off the top of my apartment building. The New York City bustle was unusually quiet, and snow piled in the streets. Pedestrians were scarce, and New York resembled a hollow shell of the city that never sleeps. I realized how much I missed the chattering noise, periodic car horns, and the bustle of movement that had disappeared for the holidays. One moment I was snuggled in blankets, watching the television by the fire, my hands pressed against my warm stomach to feel my little one’s kicks. The next, my lower back began to ache, and I felt a piercing pain in my abdomen. When I glanced down and realized what was happening, I pushed myself to my feet. The crackling of the fire intensified and the shadows cast on the wall by the dancing fire were the last things I saw before I fell…

            Jolted from my daze by another amber alert, my reflexes prompted me to swerve from my lane on the never-ending highway. A startling chorus of angry horns blasted me from all sides and it took me a moment to realize what was going on. “I’m hungry,” Tan groggily complained, bringing me back to reality and rousing a maternal instinct inside of me. The commotion had awoken him from his sleep. It was late now, the moon shined over us as we sped across the state lines. Then I heard the sirens. As the police cars approached, they grew louder. I applied the brakes to slow down, hoping the officers wouldn’t pull me over for speeding, but it was too late. I saw in my rearview mirror, the police man signaled for me to pull over and I felt a sense of defeat. I felt helpless. They had found us.

Eve’s phone had buzzed with another amber alert describing the make and model of her run-down car. Police cars inched towards her vehicle’s slowing figure, bright lights flashing against everything in sight. Sirens echoed across the Interstate highway. Eve reluctantly pulled over and rolled down her window. “May I help you officer?” she asked innocently. “Ma’am, please step out of the vehicle.” Eve did as she was told, making no objections. Her head bent in shame as the cop listed her rights and detained her. When she looked up, all Eve could do was watch the beautiful reunion of a true mother and son. Tan bolted out of the backseat to his real mother, a young woman with wrinkled eyes, who had spent the past two days frantically searching for her son. Her tears mixed with God’s as she embraced her boy, and Eve became background noise. The freeway, the road signs, the trees, everything was painted a shade of red and blue.

Five months earlier, Eve had woken up to the blinding lights of a hospital room. White walls surrounded her. Despite the disorienting environment, one thing was clear. Something was wrong. Her hand flew to her stomach and confusion clouded her brain. Her pulse accelerated and raced as she frantically looked about the room. Then she was informed by an unattached doctor that she had lost her child, that she had suffered a miscarriage. Stunned silent, the sound of her beating heart suddenly filled her ears as an abrupt numbness took over her body. Hours later, Eve’s agonizing screams pierced the walls and echoed throughout the hallways. Even as time progressed, she remained unwilling to accept the tragedy, unable to mourn, for even the thought was too painful. Part of her continued to long for the child she lost and for the next few months, Eve fell into postpartum depression. Doctors prescribed her medication with an intent to suppress her symptoms, but it only made her restless. Her anxiety distracted her from her support group and soon, Eve was trapped in a cycle of despair, unable to find solace.

One May morning, Eve met a little boy at Innocence Park. “Hi sweetie, what do you have there?” He sat inspecting rocks, hands covered in dirt, and cheerily responded, “Playing with my pet rocks.” Then he asked her, “What’s your name?” and “Do you have any pets?” The pair continued in conversation and the simplicity of Tan’s questions refreshed Eve after so many dull sessions with her indifferent psychologist. Then he surprised her, “You’re pretty Ms. Eve, like my mommy.” Charmed by Tan’s childishness, Eve momentarily forgot all her sadness. “That’s her,” the boy stated matter-of-factly, pointing towards a petite woman conversing with an older woman under the shade of the trees. Jealousy clouded her brain and perhaps in an attempt to replace what she had lost, the lonely woman impulsively offered the child a treat, and lead him to her shabby car. After buckling him in, she set off for no destination in particular.