I lived a completely normal life before today. I worked as a truck driver for a frozen food delivery service. It offered great benefits for what I did in my spare time. There had always been a feeling inside me. It was overwhelming. At times I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest at any moment. It was a feeling of pure hatred. The hatred inside me consumed me until it was all I had left.

     It was all my mother’s fault, if you could even call her a mother. She came home every night drunker than she was the night before. A man she randomly found would always be accompanying her for the night. My mother never tucked me into bed. She never read me bedtime stories or sung me lullabies. Instead, she beat me until my body was so weary it was forced to sleep. She told me I was a waste of her time and a sorry excuse for a son. I was a rejection to my mother, and that feeling of rejection boiled inside my heart until it became my greatest fear. I became intolerant of that feeling. No one had the right to treat me the way she did, and I would make sure no one ever did. As a kid you don’t know how to take these things, but as an adult you learn to cope in some way. My way was effective.
     My first love was a huge part of my journey to get where I am today. I first saw her at a café where I had stopped to get breakfast before a long drive I had that day. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I know that sounds so cliché, but she was all I could think about. I began watching her waiting for the perfect time to approach. The way she did simple things like getting grocerices or running at the park by her house was just magnificent. She was the one I was sure of it. The only thing was she completely ignored me. Every time I smiled at her she wouldn’t even make a notion of realizing I was there. I was always there, yet she never noticed. I couldn’t handle that.

     I finally had the guts to approach her one night after her yoga class at the gym. She was on the phone walking toward her car when I walked up behind her. The first thing I did was cover her mouth with my hand to keep her quiet. I then managed to drag her into the back of my truck before she was able to react in any significant way. She had dropped her phone abruptly when I grabbed her, so I didn’t have to worry about that. I hastily grabbed the ropes I had brought and tied her up. I needed her to stay alive, so I gave her a blanket to stay at least moderately warm until we got back to my place.

     My adrenaline was pumping as I dragged her out of my van as she sobbed and struggled to get away. It was the best feeling I have ever felt. My breathing slowed. All my problems washed away. I felt as if I was in another world. I pulled her into my old barn I had next to my house. I then tied her to the side of a vacant stall. She was so pretty. I knew I was going to have fun with this.

     I started the night by making love to her. She was very resistant which only made my job harder. This angered me, so next I chose a tool to show her how to behave. I took some old, rusty tweezers, and ripped her fingernails out one by one. After I pulled her nails out I took a knife and began cutting. At first, I didn’t cut deep enough to kill her only to cause extreme pain. With every cut she shifted and cringed. Gradually, I made the cuts deeper until she took her last breath. My work was complete. I had made her pay for everything she had done to me.

     I disposed of what was left of my true love by cutting her up into pieces and scattering her body all across the nation with my frozen food truck. I left the body parts in my truck until I got to a new city where I would leave the body part in a public place at night. Everyone would see my works of art, yet no one would connect enough to catch me.
     I will always remember that girl. Her scream brought me comfort. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was getting what she deserved for not noticing me all those past times. The satisfaction this brought me was more than I had ever known. I finally was able to release all that hate for a moment, and it was the greatest joy I had ever experienced. My feelings of hatred melted away onto that girl. Forever I will remember this as a special milestone in my life. It was the way I learned to cope with my past.
     I continued to follow the routine with multiple girls I found interest in throughout the years. All across the nation girl after girl would go missing and it was because of me. My name was finally heard. I wasn’t that little boy who was a waste of time to everyone. I was something important. I was something everyone knew about. I was a cold blooded killer who had never been happier.
     In total I killed 17 women exactly. I picture all 17 of them often in my dreams. I would be repeating the things I did to them over and over again until I got the satisfaction I was after. Each time I would try new methods, but I always kept to ultimately killing with a knife. It was what kept me going throughout the years and I am so thankful for that.

     Eventually, killing these other girls I met on the street didn't give me the right feeling anymore. It became routine like a joke being told over and over. The feeling was still there, but it could no longer mask my feelings of hatred. I needed the hate to stop. There was only one way to do that. I had to target the source of my rage. 
     My mother still lived at the house we grew up in, so she was an easy target. I walked into the house knowing she wouldn’t be home because I had waited on her to leave. I sat down in the chair and turned on the show she would always watch at night then waited for her to return. Around eight I heard the doorknob rattle and knew that she had returned. I felt like my heart was skipping a beat I was so excited. With my adrenaline pumping I crouched down in the seat and waited for her to go up the stairs and notice me. She moved slow as if she knew something was up, but eventually she moved toward the stairs. This is when I made my move.
     I approached her from behind and placed my hand on her mouth just as I had done with my first victim. I could barely stop myself from laughing with excitement. I tied her down against the kitchen table and spoke to her. I told her she would die tonight. I told her she would pay for everything she had done to me. She laughed at me. In her last moments she was laughing at me! I was outraged. I took out my knife and stabbed over and over again. She was dead long before I stopped stabbing. I couldn’t handle it anymore. The woman who had caused all of my pain was gone and I was ecstatic. I was honored to say that I was the one to take her life. I was relieved to know I would never feel that pain again. There was only one downside to the entire event. It was what led you to catching me.”
     “You are a monster. You may be honored to say you killed your mother, but I am honored to say my team stopped you. You will never take another life again. You are stuck in this interrogation room, and will go straight to the chair just watch.” The FBI agent yelled back at the serial killer after listening to his confession.
     The serial killer said back to the agent with a laugh in his voice, “I took the lives of 17 girls and my own mother. I regret nothing. It made me feel victorious, and I wouldn’t change anything if I had the chance to do it all over again. Maybe I will go to the chair, but listen to this. I am no monster. I am a guy you would see on the street every day. I smile and go to work, then come back to a wife and kids after my long trips. Don’t get caught up in your fantasy that we’re all freaks. Anyone you know could be just like me.”