This Earth Day, give a gift that lasts forever: Styrofoam! That’s right folks, this is the gift that keeps on giving (even when you don’t want it to). While this may seem disgustingly cliché (which it is), Styrofoam never breaks down, never disintegrates, and is as undying as love itself.
Whether it be for a brother, sister, friend, or significant other, Styrofoam is sure to please anyone who has the bland, earth-damaging product thrust into their hands. “Oh for me?” They will say, flabbergasted that you have put so much thought into a gift so stupid. “You shouldn’t have. You really really shouldn’t have.”
This is a product for the future, and will continue to trash oceans, beaches, and random intersections where drivers carelessly toss their fast food cups for years and years (and years) to come. It will never be unearthed from the ground we walk on, forever a part of our world. Styrofoam is unquestionably the most exciting product out there that costs less than a nickel! I mean, who doesn’t love a good packing peanut? Especially those multi-colored ones, those are really fun.
So next time you’re pondering your empty void of a wallet and racking your determined yet stupidly ignorant brain for a gift that will light up anyone’s world and make their heart glow with effervescent gratitude, make sure it’s packaged in Styrofoam, or just pick some up at your local dumpster. It’s the only product proven to last longer and be more annoying than the High School Musical phenomenon.