Three years ago one of my best friends, Alex started dating her current boyfriend Drew. In our daily conversations, I’ll usually ask the countdown until she gets to see Drew again. See, Drew is enlisted in the United States Marine Corps and is stationed in San Diego, California, which is exactly 2,927.5 miles away from Rhode Island (where we live). From hearing about the different missions he’s been on, I’ve always been intrigued about what Alex has to go through while dating someone that is deployed or stationed in another part of the country or world. One day I compiled a list of questions to ask her, so I could finally try to get a better understanding of what it is truly like.

Q: When you first met Drew was him being so far away, in the Marine Corps did it ever discourage you from pursuing a relationship?
A: “Kind of. It was hard trying to imagine myself being with someone that far away. It was hard to establish when you don’t actually see the person and you need to rely on Skype or texting. You can’t have an actual date until they come to visit or you go to visit them.  The distance makes it hard to get to know someone.”

Q: What made you so sure that you wanted to enter this relationship?
A: “It relied on his personality and the person that he is. It made it easier knowing that he had a very faithful commitment to me rather than someone who wasn’t as trustworthy, which is all I’ve ever known.  He was different than every other guy that I have talked to.  He was very caring from the beginning and that made it a lot easier to want to enter the relationship.  Also, his commitment and faithfulness to God was something that I admired about him.”

Q: Are there positives of having a long distance relationship?
A: “Yes, Seeing the person is more exciting than seeing them every day because you cherish your time together more. You have a different level of communication with them because you have more meaningful talks with them more often.  You also value that person more because of what you have been through as a couple.  You learn so much about the person you’re with just by talking to them on a daily basis.  I feel like you share more of your secrets, likes, and dislikes with them.”

Q: What is the hardest part of him being stationed or deployed?
A: “ The hardest part of him being deployed was where he was stationed he was 14 hours ahead of me in Japan, and it’s harder to be able to communicate with some one while they are going to start their day when you’re ending yours. Part of his deployment involved him being out of communication for 30 days and the only way we could communicate was through letters and with the military there is always delay of mail. The hardest part of him being stationed, is that he is 3 hours behind so he’s on duty or he’s eating dinner while I’m going to bed.”

Q: Which was harder, him being deployed or stationed?

A: “He being deployed was harder because of lack of communication and complete opposite schedules.  It’s hard knowing that there was no way of me being able to go and visit him while he was deployed, even though it was a non-combat deployment.  The hardest part of his deployment was when he was out of communication for 30 days.  Let me tell you, checking the mail every single day was so exciting for me.  I wanted to see if there was a post card, letter, or a package from him.
Q: How do you contact him?
A: “We Face time once a week, and we text and talk on the phone every day.  Occasionally, we send letters to share things with each other in a special way rather than texting our calling each other.”
Q: When you and he cannot be in contact, how do you cope?
A: “I eat lots of chocolate and I try to keep myself busy by taking lots of college classes and working 3 jobs. Also, while he was deployed I tried anti-gravity yoga and loved it! I attend classes weekly now.  I tried to go to the gym once a week, but that was harder to form a habit of because of my work and school schedules.” 
Q: How do you countdown the days until you see him?
A: “I have a ‘Doing-Time app’ that counts down the days until I see him. Which I currently have 38 days until I fly out for my Spring Break to see him again!”
Q: Is it like you have to start over every time you see each other?
A: “Not anymore. It used to be when we first started dating. I felt like we were re-establishing a relationship every time we saw each other.  It was like we were starting all over again when he would come to visit.  It’s so surreal when you get to hold their hand or hug them again after not seeing them for how ever many days.  Now, we pick up where we left off, like we haven’t been apart for three months.  We try to see each other every three months so we don’t have to try to re-establish the relationship again. It was difficult though after he came home from his deployment because there was 6 months that I didn’t get to see him.  It was the second time that I have ever gone that long not seeing him.  It was exciting and nerve wrecking all at the same time.”
Q:What has been the scariest thing for you to deal with as a significant other of someone in the service?
A: “The fear of him not coming home.”
Q: Have you received criticism for dating someone that’s so far away, if so, what?
A: “ That I was stupid to do it and it wasn’t going to last. I’ve been told that the Military changes people and he won’t be the same person he was when he got in.  People have made stupid comments saying they wish they could date someone in the military, when really they shouldn’t be jealous. It is awful to not see your boyfriend for 6 months.”

Q: Do you think these challenges are easier or harder for married couples?
A: “I think it’s the same because regardless their significant other isn’t there. But then again, it might be harder for them because if their significant other faces deployment they still have to maintain the keep of the house and make sure that things are all in line for when their significant other comes home.  I know that some move home with their parents to save money during the deployment.  When it comes time for their significant other to come home they have to try to get on base housing all set and stress the move of all their stuff back down to the house.”

Q: What if they have kids?
A: “I think it’s a lot harder because they have to play mommy and daddy.  I think it’s tougher on the child(ren) though.  I don’t think that the child(ren) can understand where mommy or daddy are going and why they aren’t there for 6 months or even longer.  They have to learn who mommy or daddy is when they come home. “
Q: If marriage is in the cards for you, how would he being stationed or deployed affect you?
A: “If we were to get married right now I would move to where he is stationed to cut the distance but it would affect my family. The unit that he’s with is non-deployable so I wouldn’t have to face another deployment.  I would be very excited to move with him but I would be very upset to move away from my family.”

Q: His contract?
A: “If his Voluntary Enlisted Early Release Program (VEERP) gets approved he’ll be out in July, which will cut the distance sooner than we expected and he will be going to school in the North East area. If he doesn’t get approved his End of Service date (EAS) is January 23rd 2016, he currently has 352 days left. He will be going home to Georgia to work and save up money and then to school up here in the fall of 2016.  We are hoping his VEERP gets approved and he will be in school this fall!”

Even though I’ve witnessed people judge her for dating someone that far away, I’m so proud that one day Alex and Drew will take the next step in getting married. Alex is an excellent role model for me. It’s certainly not easy to have the love of your life live on the other side of country, but Alex goes through it. People say what doesn’t kill you, make you stronger and when they get married one day, all the waiting, separation and patience will be worth it. I aspire to have half as much patience as my best friend.