A pet can bring you so much happiness, but when he took his last breath I couldn’t find any reason to be happy. I watched my best friend for the past nine years leave me as all five stages of grief hit at once, it was an emotional overload. I remembered everything we had been through, all the vet visits, and late-night snuggles, and even watching Scooby Doo together, our favorite pastime. I didn’t know what I would do without him at that moment, as I knew the next year at least would be impossible without him. My sweet boy, Bandit, my everything, gone in a matter of minutes.  The more I think about it, which is often, the more I wish I had done something different, the more I wish we had just taken him to the next vet, no matter the cost. I wish I spent more time with him, even though in the months he grew worse I spent every waking moment with him. He was my best friend, and all I have to remember him now is a silver necklace, which I will cherish forever.

It was Christmas morning, 2011 when he joined our family. I was 6 years old and wouldn’t be 7 until the following May. Out of the windows, sheets of snow coated the ground, it was a beautiful white Christmas day. The light on my living room ceiling lit up the whole room, the paper on all the presents, which were stacked all under the tree glistened in the light. The star that sat upon the Christmas tree was glowing a bright white, along with the glittery lights on the tree. My family covered the maroon couches, and I took my usual spot in the middle of the floor, sitting in my soft and fluffy Christmas pajamas, a bright smile on my face as the excitement in the room was high. My dad held a camera up, getting video of all of our reactions as we saw the tiny kitten pawing at the crate he was in, begging to get out and meet us all. I will never forget that day, the fun of Christmas, and the excitement of meeting him for the first time.

The fur on his back was coarse, but soft at the same time, and depending on the day was greasy with flakes of dandruff, which usually led to a nice moisturizing bath that he hated. His belly was covered with soft and silky white fur, which was a calming sensation when you’d run your fingers through it and up to his chin, which was also white, as well as his legs. His paw pads were pink and slightly dirty from walking on the back patio outside. His whiskers were long and white, besides his right whiskers, which were chopped short from when he had rubbed against a closet and got them caught in the pinching doors, cutting them clean off. His eyes were beautiful pools of various green colors, with a brown freckle in the right one. On the tips of his ears were small black tufts, which we believed made him part maine coon. He was big-boned and had thick legs, weighing no less than 18 pounds, but no more than 22. His purrs were loud and calming, and his meows were scratchy and sometimes very annoying, but once he was gone it was the thing I missed the most.

The sterling silver photo charm swings from my neck strung upon a shiny silver chain. In it, a photo of my sweet and beautiful boy, Bandit, who may no longer be physically in my life, but is still here emotionally and spiritually. The picture reminds me of his therapeutic purrs that would always work to calm me down when my emotions heightened. Holding the cool to the touch silver charm always gives me a sense of comfort, as if my gorgeous boy was still with me now, laying across my now empty lap. Though the charm is light and doesn’t seem to be there, the power of it is heavier than I can carry, but I power through the difficult times, knowing that he is with me, forever and always, my beautiful, beautiful boy. Though I miss the sound of his loud and sometimes obnoxious meows, I still hear his call in the back of my mind, begging with passion, for one last treat.

I’ll never forget the impact he had on my life. I grew up with him, and with age, our relationship grew closer until we were inseparable. He was there when I went through the lowest of the lows and was there when I was at my highest moments. No matter the situation, he was there, always ready for a catnap to take away the stress of the day. Whenever I would have trouble sleeping he’d always outstretch a paw over my shoulder, as if to tell me he was there. I haven’t had that feeling in months, and it’s been very hard without him. Sometimes I think I’m okay, but then I remember how I miss him and I spiral right back down to where I started, and have to climb the stairs of grief until I reach the top. It’s been seven months since he left us, and since then we’ve got a kitten in hopes to clear the cloud of depression in my entire house. Part of me feels they got her for me, knowing that I was going to be struggling for a while, and for the most part it worked. I love Phoebe, and she never will be Bandit, but I don’t expect her to be him, because no cat can be him, but I do believe that when I miss him the most, he guides Phoebe to be with me, and let me know that he is still here, showing Phoebe the way to be there for me the way he was. I’ll always miss my boy, and I know I won’t forget him, as I have this beautiful necklace to remind me of him every single day.