My older siblings Jarrid and Morgan always told me stories so I wouldn’t follow them out to the dock. I believed everything. I believed when Jarrid told me a fish the size of a golden retriever swallowed a neighborhood child. I believed when Morgan said seaweed could drown me. I believed when they told me the pond was 100 feet deep.

Today unfortunately is not any different. I skip alongside my dad on our two minute walk to the pond. The loose rocks pound on my callused feet, not flinching from the rocks anymore from all the countless times I have run to the pond bare foot.

My sparkly pink one-piece swimsuit and my kitten towel in hand, I am ready. Ready to join Morgan and Jarrid on the dock, ready to avoid the big fish and killer seaweed.

The hot sand sifts through my toes giving me a nice welcome back feeling. The remains of my castle, now nothing but a sand plateau lost the battle to the water, but my sand cakes still remain.

“Alright Ash, all you have to do is swim from that pole to that one and back. I will be standing over here watching.” He baits his ruby red hook, first pinching the innocent worm in half. Then he punctures half with the hook and throws the other back into the container. He then slides the worm mimicking the shape of the hook. The leftover guts go immediately on his favorite fishing shorts. Gut smears from the previous fishing days cover them.

I get this funny feeling that my dad did not come to watch me pass my “swim test.”

Butterflies dance inside my stomach. I shouldn’t be nervous. I swim back and forth from pole to pole every day we come here while Morgan and Jarrid enjoy their freedom on the dock.

The midday sun beams down onto the calm pond water, reflecting the spotless cobalt sky.

I squint straight ahead looking at Morgan and Jarrid on the dock, visualizing myself next to them. Their facial expressions give me sudden goose bumps.

I dive into the green water creating many ripples. But not even the warm water can stop the goose bumps.

Many times I came by this pole, today it seems different.

Immediately when I touch the pole to begin my test, I pause.

“Ashley, watch out they’ll sting you!” A smirk spreads across Jarrid’s face before jumping into the water. My sister Morgan, a couple month’s younger than him, follows like she’s his own trained dog.

“What will?” But they are already beneath the water.
My first instinct is to get out of the water as soon as possible. Panicking, I climb myself up the two foot metal pole in front of me, scraping some of the slimy algae along it.

I hold my six year old self inches from the surface of the green water. My grip kills my hands, but I still continue to squeeze my whitening fists around the slick pole. Knowing that the second my toes slip into the pond water, they will be severely stung.
“Dad, dad, come get me!” My grip slips. The buildup of sweat in my palms, forces me to hug the cold pole tighter to my chest. My feet brace around the smooth pole indenting them further each minute.

Looking over my right shoulder, I catch sight of my siblings laughing profusely on the dock anchoring just outside the blue and white buoys strung together by a matching rope. They frequently jump on and off, careful not to miss the one thing they want; to see me cry.
“I'm not gonna swim out there. You’re a big girl, swim!” Dad battles with a fish that refuses to be reeled in. His remaining dark hair gels back to perfection while the hairless top begins to blush. Black sunglasses rest on the nose we share. The slight bend in his fishing pole reminds me of the fish beneath me.

I look around once more, nothing. Nothing I can use to float on to bring me back to shore.

The pole I hold myself on aligns the buoys that box in the swim area. The closest thing I can swim to is the dock behind me, but I know that would not be a good idea. The last place I want to be is by them. My eyes begin to fill with tears. I feel helpless. Don’t cry. But I could not stop, once they came, they were too hard to hold back. I try to hide my wet pink face so they can't get the satisfaction they desperately want.
“Oh and I forgot to warn you. There’s a nest on that pole!” Jarrid said as they both pull their legs tight to their chest in midair.

The laughter came immediately when their heads met the surface of the water; astonished to see I have made no attempt to move, forcing my tears out faster. Don’t cry. You don’t want to put on a show for them.

But for some reason that was not possible. It was like putting your thumb on a full blast garden hose to stop the water from coming out.
“Look at her! What a baby!” My sister pulls herself up onto the dock after Jarrid. They both flip their wet dark brown hair and adjust their suits back in place.
There is no fish or nest! I try and tell my gullible self, but it’s not enough. It's never enough. I am a big baby and I do believe everything they tell me.
While looking into the green water, I begin picturing fish fins and what looks like cat whiskers that extend from somewhat flat heads, they swarm around me.

Jarrid told me about this kind of fish; the vicious black ones with the long whiskers that sting ten times worse than a wasp.
What did he call them? Oh yea catfish! My mind chokes with panic while my siblings continue to laugh.

My nose runs continuously, mixing with the salty taste of sweat and tears all leaking into my mouth. I can’t wipe my face because once I let go I will plunge right into the swarm of catfish. It’s like having an itch but you can’t get to it.
How did they find this funny? I peek back into the water to confirm I am just seeing things. Suddenly something appears to be clung to the pole.
Could that be a nest? At that point it didn’t matter if it was a nest or just some illusion.

That’s the end, my mind has won. Jarrid and Morgan got what they were looking for, again.
Holding on for my life onto a vertical metal pole that sticks two feet above the murky water, while imaginary catfish swarm around an imaginary nest ready to sting me at any moment with their noodle- like whiskers.
I wish I could somehow poof myself back home and if that’s too much to ask at least to the shore where I can then sprint home. But that’s not realistic, all I can do is squeeze my eyes shut to stop my mind from further playing tricks on me.
My heart slowly returns to its normal rhythm: baboom, baboom, baboom.
The laughter begins to fade almost as if I hit the mute button. I can only hear the sounds of the hissing cicadas and the numerous singing birds. The smell of fresh cut grass lingers in the air.

I open my eyes and everything seems to be in slow motion. They’re not real, there’s nothing there I mumble. But the pain in my body brings me back. My hands throb in their last attempt to notify me that they are on the verge of giving up.
I close my eyes again not ready to return to reality. I picture myself at home working on my gymnastic tricks on the trampoline. Backflip, front flip, cartwheel into back handspring.

I open my eyes. Cotton floats in the delicate air almost as if it were snowing. I cannot stay in this position any longer and besides, the longer I wait the more humiliating this will be.

Situating the slick pole between my big toes, I prepare to jump. I eye ball exactly where I want to land. Watching tiny floating particles drift with the gentle current of the green water. My arms now stretch backwards still grasping the pole.

Dad stands in the corner of my left eye, re-bating his pole once again from the juvenile fish that constantly pester his half red and white bobber. I wait until Morgan and Jarrid plunge back into the water to proceed.

The adrenaline I desperately need comes in an instant forcing me to leap towards shore.

At first my body hurt, but as I continue swimming I can feel my muscles untwine with relief. I never felt better. Blood circulates back into my hands.
My swimming lessons come back: one, two, breathe, one, two, breathe, kicking my legs in rhythm. I reach my arms as far as I can, cupping water along the way.
My mind clears except the one question.
Why didn’t the catfish sting me? Then I realize everything is all one big lie they painted into my delicate mind, coming together like one giant puzzle.
There is no monstrous fish and seaweed that can drown me.
The second I reach shore I sprint past my dad towards home, leaving my towel on the lonely bench.
“Where are you going Ash?” My dad is obviously clueless with what I just went through. I don’t bother to answer him in front of Jarrid and Morgan.
My cheeks color from the embarrassment, the hatred towards my siblings, but mainly the anger I had towards myself.
Today I believed when they told me catfish could sting.
Tomorrow will be the day, the day, I join Morgan and Jarrid on the dock.
Never again will I believe Jarrid or Morgan in such nonsense and more importantly let my mind project my fears into reality. The second I left that metal pole, I knew I would never believe them again.