Jesse J said, in her song “Who You Are”, “Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing. It’s okay not to be okay.” Always act as yourself, no matter what. If you need help, don’t be afraid to get it. It is okay not to be okay. People will listen.

I know a boy who was having troubles. He got into drugs, and he was having problems in school. No one really liked him. People were spreading rumors about him. His mom was into drugs also. She was also crazy. His dad was older. He let the boy do whatever he wanted. He cared about him, but all his dad wanted was for the boy to love him.

The boy’s father said, “Things got worse with the boy. He started fighting with his dad. His dad was trying to make him stop doing drugs. The boy got angry with his dad, and decided to move in with his mom. His mom was letting the boy do whatever he wanted. She didn’t care about him. She let him live his own life, and she didn’t pay any attention to him. He got into many more drugs.

Finally the boy said it was enough. He left them, and moved back in with his dad. The boy was having suicidal thoughts. He didn’t tell anyone. He was confused, and he felt lonely. He left school every day around noon. One day he left school, and every one could see something was wrong. Later that day, his dad got a call. The person on the phone told his dad to look on Facebook. He said that his son had been writing suicidal things. He suggested that his dad should go find him. When his dad got home, he tried the front door. The door was locked, which was odd because the doors are never locked. His dad went around the back, and tried to open the back door. That door was open. He went in the house, and ran down the stairs. Right as he got downstairs, he saw the boy. He yelled his name, and ran over to him. As he looked down he noticed something wrong. He saw a gun. The boy had shot himself in the mouth. The dad called the cops, and then he disappeared for a long time.”

That day I was at dance make up. My coach walked in crying. We asked what happened; she said that she didn’t know if she should tell us. Finally she said that my cousin had commit suicide. I really didn’t react. I was just like oh that isn’t good. I went home and told my mom. She explained that I should go to the funeral, even though I didn’t really know him.

The next day at school only a few people were there. I didn’t really see anyone crying. I wasn’t sure if anyone knew yet. Then my sister ran up to me. I can still remember what she told me, and to this day I will always remember these words. “Hallie, I love you. We all love you. Don’t ever think we don’t love you.” My sister and I cried in each other’s arms all morning. That was the first time I cried over him. I cried all day. I honestly don’t think I have ever cried that much. When I went to class that morning, as I walked in, my teacher asked, “was the boy your cousin.” I said, “yes.” She kind of made me cry worse because she told the whole class that I knew the boy, and that he was my cousin. That day I had a lot of people asking me if I was okay.

At his wake, I went with my sister. I got to see my family that I haven’t seen in a really long time. I felt very awkward because none of them remembered me. After they knew it was me, I felt like I was part of the family. I saw many people at his wake, including the boy’s dad. That was the first time anyone saw him since his son died. My sister couldn’t look at the boy. She didn’t get in the line to go see him until almost everyone left. I had to go by myself because I had to leave early. When I got up to the casket, I looked at him. He was different. I can’t explain how he looked. His face seemed like plastic. He didn’t look the same. I was shocked. I could only look at him for a second. Everyone was crying. I felt like I was alone because I just couldn’t cry.

Right after the wake I went to the school, for my bake sale. Once I walked in the school, I started to cry. My parents walked out from teacher conferences, and I just cried for a while. That night I had dance in New Richmond. When I got to dance I saw one of my friends, who was a good friend of the boy. Once she saw me, we both busted out in tears. Our teacher made us sit out. She told us we should go home. We both sat on the couch in each other’s arms and cried.

The next day was his funeral. Many people came to the funeral. All of the family had to go in the back dining room. Our family was so big that it took 5 minutes for our whole family to walk in the church area. My dad and I walked in together. Right when I walked into the church I started to cry. I clung onto my dad the whole way down the aisle. Once we got seated I started to settle down.

After the service, my sister and I sat and talked for a really long time. She was extremely close to the boy. She had trouble going back to school. She stayed in the guidance office all day. She took it very hard. It took her about 2 months to fully recover from the trauma. That was one of the hardest things I ever saw. Just seeing my sister in so much pain caused me so much pain. Since the death, my sister and I got very close. We started talking to each other more, and we hung out more. My sister made shirts for him. They had his name on them, his birth date, the day he died, and it said, “We love you.” A lot of people bought a shirt to support him.

People cared about him. I wish he knew that everyone cared about him. I wish he wouldn’t have made the choices he did. He could have been a successful boy. I miss him so much, along with everyone else. He had many friends, which he didn’t know cared about him. I wish he was still alive, so he could see all the people that love him.

This is the reason why you should act yourself. Many people made fun of the boy. They called him many mean names. The boy tried to fit in by acting like someone else. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t turn into this boy. He could have solved so many problems by asking for help. Please, if you know you are not okay, ask for help.