It was just a regular school day– Thursday January 3rd, 2008, to be exact. I was minding my own business in my room online chatting and sharing laughs with my friends while engaging in some hardcore homework. My room’s bright white light made it nearly impossible to fall asleep so I was bound to get some work done that night. I was locked up in my own virtual world as I was switching from typing away on my keyboard to immersing myself into the problems on my worksheet. A chat sound from AIM rang and I looked up to the computer screen to check my IMs. I laughed, replied, and went back to my homework– that was the repeating pattern for that night.

Meanwhile, my dad had taken my grandfather to the hospital to check up on his current health. I had seen my grandfather collapse and completely blank out about a few weeks prior, and he also had trouble going to the bathroom. However, I was very young at that time so I had absolutely no idea what he was going through nor what was happening. What I did know was that he was everything to my family. He was the reason why every single one of us stepped foot into America in the first place. My grandfather fought alongside with the U.S. during the Vietnam War and got his placement here after the war was over so he was able to complete immigration papers for my family to come into America. When he was alive, he kept my family sane and he was able to keep everyone happy. He had a contagious aura of positivity that spread joy amongst all of us. Aside from being impactful on the family, he was also influential during my childhood since he took care of me while my parents worked. He took me to many places in Dorchester, including the park and McDonald’s, and he also taught me what he knew of the English language at that time. My family was able to adapt easily in America thanks to him. He was here before any of us so he knew a lot of what to do so he taught us how to do things in this country.

So as I was just wasting away a typical Thursday night in my room, my grandmother received a phone call from my father and I heard the distinct chatter from down the hallway right outside my room. She suddenly opened my room door and said, “Get ready. We’re going the hospital to see your grandfather. He’s passing away tomorrow.”

At first, I was extremely confused, and the first two words that came into my mind were, “Wait, what?”

As I was getting ready, I was trying to process what my grandmother had just said to me. She said those words in such an emotionless and direct way that I wondered if she was lying to me. No. She had to be lying. It could not be true.

My dad came back to the house to pick up my grandmother and me to go back to the hospital. During the car ride, I asked my dad what my grandfather had and he replied, “Lung cancer.” At that time, I still could not process what my grandmother had said before. I kept telling myself, “No, she’s lying. There’s no possible way that that’s true. He can’t just leave all of a sudden.”

As I was making my way to my grandfather’s room in the hospital along with my family, my mind went blank. Everything was just thrown at me with such acceleration that I had no time to sit and think. I couldn’t fathom the thought of death because I didn’t think that it would happen to anyone in my life. However, reality smacked me across the face when I came face to face with my grandfather lying in the hospital bed.

I stepped inside this hospital room and there he was– lifeless but breathing. I could see his chest rising and falling at a constant rate, but his eyes were completely shut as if he were drawn into a different realm in his sleep. He had needles injected into his arms and I could hear the clear beeps that the machine made every time his heart pounded. Everything else was almost silent and the nearest hint of sound was outside of the room where people were hustling and bustling around the hospital. The lights in the room were off and the only source of brightness came from right above my grandfather’s head and the peep of light that peaked through the door from the hospital hallway. The air filled with the typical smell of a hospital– rubbing alcohol and medicine.

My family surrounded my grandfather’s hospital bed while I stood by the doorway. I was clueless as to whether I should approach my grandfather or stand where I was; I was scared. My family called me to come closer so I slowly paced myself towards the hospital bed where my grandfather was laying. I didn’t know what to say nor think. I didn’t know what to feel either since I was profoundly perplexed. I could feel the rush of nervousness and confusion still circulating my body; I could feel the pain that my grandfather was feeling. I could feel it all, yet I didn’t know what to feel. But there he was... right in front of me, the man who had given his entire and all to his family. He looked so still and peaceful but I knew very well how excruciating the pain must be. Everyone in the room was silently weeping like they had no more hope.

When I was face to face with my grandfather, everything suddenly hit me. I suddenly understood what was going on. All the emotions that a preteen girl could feel started building up. My heart was beating faster and my eyes began to form tears. The first teardrop found its way down my cheek and eventually rest of the teardrops began to fall in the same direction. I felt my heart dropping with every second passing by as I was silently and painstakingly watching my grandfather slowly depart from his body.

Everyone in my family stayed at the hospital pretty late that night but everyone eventually had to leave and that included me. The only person who stayed by my grandfather’s side the entire time was my dad. This was just the first night but it was the first night that changed everything.

My grandfather passed away three days later in the middle of the night when everyone was sound asleep. When my mom and I received the news, we woke up from our sleep and cried in each other’s arms. The news was very painful and heartbreaking.

When I was in the hospital that night and my dad was talking to the nurse, she told us, “I’ve been treating him for 2 years. I can tell you for sure that he is one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. Most lung cancer patients only have about 6 months to live. However, your grandfather fought off cancer for 2 years. He is very mad at me for telling you guys that he only had one day to live. It seems as though he had been fighting it off to spend his very last moments with his family. He’s a very strong man.”

I couldn’t agree more. My grandfather was a very strong man and on top of that, he was extremely kind hearted. The most important aspect of him that I will always keep in my mind is the fact that he was always proud of me and he believed in me. He brought me to America knowing that I was heading towards a bright future so I always remember to keep him in my heart during my times of success.

I wish that I thanked him when I had the chance and I wish that I had told him goodbye properly despite the unexpectedness of the event. I guess you never really know what you have until it’s gone, for good. I do regret that I didn’t say what I wanted to say and didn’t appreciate him as much back then but I knew for sure that I loved him, a lot. My grandfather is the reason why I’m standing strong in America today. Without him, I wouldn’t be in an exam school; I wouldn’t be almost graduating from high school and then going off to college. Without him, I wouldn’t have found the strength that I needed for all the rough patches that I’ve dealt with whether it’s regarding family, friends, school, or anything. From that experience, I’ve learned to appreciate everyone in my life better and remind myself that I’ll never know what might happen the next day so I always try my best to let people know what they mean to me– even if it means having little daily conversations with them. Not only have I learned that but I’ve learned to become more outspoken and fearless because those two strong characteristics are what my father were.

Nevertheless, rest in peace, grandfather. We love you and we miss you dearly.