I never had the picture perfect family that all of my friends had. The feeling inside was not jealousy, but sadness. The only stories I could tell about my parents together were arguments and stress they both went through. It was obvious that my parents still loved each other, but the problems in their relationship over powered it. Accusations of cheating were thrown around all of the time from my father. However, my mom was innocent and my dad was the one guilty of it. There'd be times where I wouldn't see my dad or hear from him days at a time. I saw my mother slowly tear apart of sadness but tried to stay positive for the sake of my older sister, Jalissa, and I. My dad moved and my parents went to court for share custody of me. During this time, the grief turned to anger. My parents made a mess and I was the one that had to clean it up. I had to transfer messages and money from them, but if either took it the wrong way, I'd get in trouble for it. I felt as though my parents were being more immature than my young self, and I had to be the parents of them both. I no longer had a childhood outside of school. Most kids like to go home after school, but for me, school was my escape.

It got to the point where my parents couldn't even attend open houses or basketball games because they didn't want to see each other. Basketball became my outlet and everyone noticed the love I had for the sport. No matter how much I love it, my mother didn't care. All she cares about is herself. It happened so often that I got used to her lack of support. It's hard changing from parent to parent. What made it even harder was when my first younger brother, G'Noah, was born. I wanted to express how happy I was to my mother and sister, but I couldn't. In a way, having a brother was a joyful thought, but then again it wasn't. I hated the fact that we weren't a full set of siblings. When people ask me about my family, it's very difficult for me because I know they won't understand. They never do. I hated every woman or man my parents brought into my life because I knew they'd never stay. They weren't my biological parents. I never wanted to see my parents in a new relationship. However, I knew they were never going to be together again and I had to deal with it.

As I got older, I began to realize that I was old enough to make my own decisions. I started to drift away from my dad. All of the women I met who were "just friends" showed me another side of my father that I was never really exposed to. The side of him that would drop me off with any and every girlfriend I just met hours before. Neither my mother or I liked what he was doing when he had responsibility of me. So I distanced myself from him. I stayed at my mother's house for weeks at a time with only digital communication from my dad. We only talked about school and basketball. Our relationship became awkward, like a person who I've just met. It took a while to get back to the old father daughter bond we had before. We got closer when my dad opened his first bar. He named it after me. Around the same time, my mother invited a "roommate", Aaron, to live with us to help with financial problems. My dad didn't agree with the whole roommate idea. He felt like he was being replaced because Aaron has done so much for me. Trying to avoid more issues, I had to lie to my father for years saying that Aaron moved out a while before. I had never lied to my father. I was always scared to lie to him. I hated the feeling of my father being mad or disappointed in me. What has my mother gotten me in to? Making me risk my relationship with my father so she can be happy?

After three years of Aaron living with us, I became more judicious and suspicious. I noticed difference signs of my mother and Aaron possibly being together. Seeing text messages, hearing kisses, sleeping in the same bed... Could it be? Has my mother deliberately been lying to Jalissa and I for three years? I questioned both of them constantly. The more and more they lied, the angrier and angrier I got. I went from being a sweet intelligent girl with good manners to a disrespectful preteen with a horrible attitude. During this phase of discourtesy, my sister and I became very close. We both were on the same page and we told each other everything. We only wanted the truth. Two months later, my mother announces that her and Aaron were in fact in a relationship. I had mixed emotions. I was angry because my mother lied for so long, but I was relieved also because she finally told the truth. However, everyone's attitude changed. Arguments between Aaron and I were common because I disliked the feeling of Aaron telling me what to do or what not to do. I constantly told him, "You are not my father" or "I don't have to listen to you". The arguing got worse and worse so I decided to move out and in with my grandmother.

Clueless as to why, my mother envied the fact I was staying with my grandmother. I wanted to get away from all of the drama going on. I only planned on staying for a week or two, but I felt so comfortable there. Months passed by and my mother still had no idea why I was there. She cried to my father but he did not care at all. He even switched up words of mine. I told him that I wanted to see my mom some time with the an exception of coming back to my grandmother's house afterwards. However, my father told her that I wanted to stay with him full time and I wanted nothing to do with her. My dad feels pleasure in emotionally hurting my mother. All she wanted was to talk about why I left and why I hated her and Aaron so much. I gave her a chance to talk, but when I did, it seemed as though my father and grandmother were angry. In a way, they resented me. Both wouldn't talk to me as much or even call me down for dinner. After a week, I hated the feeling of being left out, so I moved back home. Moving home did not help my father and I's relationship. I felt like I was the only one who was trying in.

To this day, it remains the same. If I don't call first, text first, or visit first, I'm automatically a bad daughter who doesn't love her father. All I've ever wanted to do was make my parents proud, but having to be in the middle of their problems, was a burden to my goals. It truly hurts for a child from ages three to fifteen to deal with a dad who doesn't think they love him, and a careless mother. If I didn't go through this from the age of three, I probably wouldn't be as strong as I am now. Throughout the years, I've went from being a naive, smart little girl to a mature, responsible young lady who can handle almost any family situation. I'm now used to the manipulation of my grandmother and father which allowed me to learn that I had to deal with it because they're not going to ever change. I will always be the more mature person between my father and I, but I'm not ashamed to say it because it is an essential part of my life.