All around me throughout the day I notice clumps of my long, thick,curly hair. Without even knowing it, while I do schoolwork, I’m aggressively running my fingers through it and when my fingers reach a knot, I rip my hand away from my head pulling many strains along with it. I don’t know why I do this and what really concerns me is that I don’t know why I can’t stop.
My hair is not just hair to me. It may sound silly but it is important. It didn’t just appear overnight, it has been a year long project that is still in progress. I’ve patiently waited as it grew through the awkward first stages even though it was a not a good look. If for some reason I were to lose my locks I don’t know what I would do. So it confuses me that I would insensitively rip it out when it took what seemed like ages just to be where it is. It’s much easier and quicker to destroy something than to create. I look back and realize how long and how many times i’ve compulsively repeated this act and know in the back of my mind if I could of controlled myself all this time my hair would probably be even healthier.
My Mom always tells me “It’s a nervous habit, try replacing it with another.”It makes me think to myself, why do I give into any habit to begin with. Is there a reason I simply can’t stop. What it boils down to is the same reason I constantly shake my leg when sitting, or why I bite my nails until there is simply nothing left to bite and my fingers are throbbing. Anxiety is a problem i’ve always struggled to overcome. Over thinking about the littlest things makes you wish you were in a place where all your thoughts were calm which seems impossible to achieve. Your mind is constantly racing and you just sit there while your train of thought jumps from one pestering thought to the next. With this stress clouding my thought process I can’t help but do something, anything just for the sake of moving.