You know, there are times where those old sayings ring true, such as “Don’t let fear rule your life” or “Sometimes you’re your own worst enemy.” We all have had times where these have been true, every time these sayings make themselves known we always have a choice, two choices to be exact, two roads. One leading down one dark unknown path, and other leading down an equally dark path. The only deciding factor being, “When I look back at my life, do I want to say I had the guts to go down this path, or be glad I chose the other?” I remember a time where I was faced with such a decision, do I regret my choice? It’s hard to say, possibly, but then again what’s to say I truly care now looking back. Looking back it was truly a small matter of little importance, in fact it no longer matters to me. But.....then why do I remember it so well?
It was just like any other autumn day a few years ago. There was a slight breeze carrying itself through the air. It created a cool air, a air cool enough to wear a jacket, but still warm enough that you didn’t need one. The trees around us where a mix of beautiful colors, red, orange, and yellow. The breeze blew against the branches of the trees, yet the leaves refused to let go just yet. Looking back now I can say that this was a foreshadow of events that would appear later in the day, and just like always eventually the wind has it’s way. The well worn trail that we walked upon was covered in the dead leaves of years past, and with each step these leaves gave that wonderful crunching sound. Truly that sound has always been one of my favorites, one of the signs that winter is just around the corner.
The breeze rustled the leaves at our feet as we walked away from the dining hall. It was the 2nd day of 6th grade camp and it was already past noon. My group was heading for the object that had essentially been the talk of the school. I remember back when I was walking through the halls. The long dark brown halls with few windows and lined on each side with lockers. I couldn't even take a few steps without overhearing,  “Have you heard there’s a Zip line there?” “Yeah I’ve heard it’s 50 ft. tall.” “Really?.....” These convocations had taken up much of the time for talking during school, each one giving more hints as to what it may look like as how big, how long, and even how fast this zip line might go. Each word passing from someone lips give everyone a boost in confidence. In fact here was not really a soul that had said they weren’t going on it. Even those normally scared of such devices said they would give it a try. I was one of the few that was considering not going on, but I decided that I would give it my best shot. We now walked out of the forest that kept our cabins and dining hall, into a clearing that held the zip lines tower. In front of us stood a sturdy yet formidable 50ft structure made of dark wood. From near the top of the structure we could see it, the zip line, prodding out of the wood tower. The tower stood there like a menacing beast, almost like something out of mythology a giant beast waiting for the hero to come and slay it. It was in that moment staring at this great beast, that the battle began, starting slowly as a friendly argument between my will and my fears. It was a grueling process, waiting in line as one by one everyone had their safety gear strapped on. Each person going up to take their turn, returning to the line to hand off the gear to the next person. I couldn’t keep my hands still, they were shaking with fear, moving with inpatients, every so often managing to be kept still by will. My hands reflected my mind, Fear and Will now in a fierce argument. Tongues growing sharper and sharper, words growing harsher and harsher with each passing second. Soon it was my turn to dawn on the safety harness and helmet. With that Will and Fear had drawn their swords of reason, Will raising his shield of courage, and Fear his shield of doubt, charged at each other as the battle began. These two mighty generals clashing, the most powerful things that exist in the human body fighting one another.
  As my foot found purchase on each step the battle grew in intensity, now words were exchanged as the battle drew on. Though their words were merely my own thoughts, each using them to weaken the other. “What if the cable breaks under my weight?” Fear screamed as he attempted to drive his blade into Will, blocking and returning with a thrust of his own screaming “If there were even a chance of that they wouldn’t let people on!” It’s at times like these where you can truly see you are your own worst enemy. For the only people fighting were my will and my fears. In all essence I was fighting myself, wounding myself, and being defeated by myself. No matter what happened there would never be a victor, for the moment you start fighting yourself you lose. The very moment doubt entered my mind I lost, try as I might, the moment fear found doubt, will lost. Now it’s just a fight to see how long my Will will hold out. With each step I took the battle grew in intensity, and of course my friends gave me the usual words of encouragement “Come on you can do it,” “don’t worry everything will be fine.” These small words give my will greater strength, however it would be short lived. For though these words gave my Will strenght, Fear was on the offensive and will on the defencive. We humans are most interesting creatures, we build ourselves up only to tear ourselves down. I continued up the steps, I now knew that the battle was lost, but back then in the moment I foolishly thought I still had a chance. As I neared the top steps, fear grew greater and greater in it’s power.
Finally it was my turn to be clipped in, with each clip snapping on, fear increased the onslaught, each strike blasting away at my wills crumbling defence. My Will lay there bloody but not yet beaten, fear silently compelled me to peer of the edge and look down at the ground 50ft below. And with that one small movement, fear delivered the final blow, crippling my will so it could no longer fight. I couldn’t move my body, I couldn’t speak, expect to mutter that I didn’t want to do this any more. After being unclipped fear would only allow me to move down the steps, my head hanging in defeat. I had let fear rule my life, I had fought and lost. I had allowed myself to be defeated by myself. On the inside I felt ashamed of myself, but no sooner had this feeling set in then my Friends approached me. “Hey don’t feel so down on yourself man,” “yeah you made it up that far,” Funny isn’t it, how you will always have people that will stand by your side even when you feel like you’ve got nothing to stand for. Friends that will always try to cheer you up, make you laugh, and just be there for you when you need them. Sometimes that’s what matters, not that I failed, no that I had tried, but that I had such good friends that came over just to cheer me up.

I know at the start I said this was no big deal, but remembering and telling what happened once again I have seen many things I missed. You that you can’t dwell on the past, if I focus on how I allowed myself to be defeated, I wouldn’t get anywhere. Instead I should focus on how to not allow it to happen again. You are your own worst enemy, but your greatest allies are your friends, the ones that will be there when you need them. I may not be the strongest or the bravest, but I have good friends that still stand by my side no matter what.