There’s this boy. I’ve known him ever since I was in 6th grade because we were in a theatre group called Youth Theatre. He helped me realize something about myself that will be hard to get rid of. Last year is when we started to really get closer as friends. When he told me that he had feelings for me, I didn’t know what to do, or how I felt towards him. We talked for one week, and that’s when I realized I didn’t have those kinds of feelings towards him. I told him I only saw him as a friend, and he was crushed. We stopped talking.

I felt like I lost a friend. I missed him,  having someone to talk to everyday about anything and everything. I remember the Sunday after that day was a surprisingly good day. I didn’t know if he would ever talk to me again, let alone one week later.

I was at a church in Auburn Hills, and I was in the substantial basement with the kitchen on my right and the main room on my left. We were getting ready to watch the premiere of a small Christian show for my mom. I was sitting at a table, just getting done eating when I felt my phone tremble as it vibrated in my hand. I suddenly looked at the screen that was as bright as the sky , eager to know who had taken a sudden interest in texting me. When I saw who it was, I just glared at my phone. I had a glowing smile on my face at the sight of his name. I remember thinking, he texted me. I quickly opened the message that was waiting for me. Reading the message that said, “Hello”, my face lit up with excitement and a big smile and I was as happy as a fish in water. I immediately responded with a simple, “Heyy”. It might have only been a week, but it felt like a year.

We kept in contact for the rest of the day, all we did was talk. Nothing about how he felt, just talking about anything. He had an away camp the whole next week, so I couldn’t talk to him at all throughout the week. The night that he got back from camp, he immediately texted me when he got home, and we’ve been talking for everyday since then.

Four months. It took four months for me to make up my mind. Four months until he asked me. Four months for me to say yes. It was because of all of this that I realized something about myself. Something that isn’t what you want as a personality trait. I realized that I was really indecisive.

As time went on, I didn’t really know how to deal with this. He tried helping me out, but I wouldn’t really give in much. But, I did start to realize that when I’m older, I can’t answer questions that other adults ask me with, “I don’t know”, like I do now. I needed to start making decisions for myself. He and I both tried to help me make more decisions. He helps me by asking me what we should do next, or where we want to go. Also, there was one time when I was driving with my mom somewhere and we were using her phone as a GPS, but it wasn’t loading before I had to make a turn, so we didn’t know which way to go, so I had to make a quick decision. The turn I chose turned out to be the right one. I was really proud of myself.

Thinking back to earlier this year, I was with him during the summer one time, and he asked me about homecoming. Now, since he’s already graduated, he can’t go unless he is invited, so he was wondering if I was going to go with my friends or if I wanted him to go with me. He said he would give me time since it was August that we had this conversation. A couple weeks went by and he brought it up again, and I hadn’t decided yet. This was becoming a routine. It had gotten to the school year, and I still did not know what I was going to do yet. Of course, I figure I’ve got time, there’s no rush in deciding yet. But, I was thinking about it, he wouldn’t let me forget about it.I did think about it a little at a time, and I didn’t know what to do yet, still. It kept getting closer and closer to homecoming, and I still had no idea what to do. It was two weeks before Homecoming, so I needed to know what I was going to do. I was sitting in my French class, thinking about it and I thought to myself, wait, this isn’t even a question, I know I’ll have a lot of fun with him. Now, I still wanted to go with my friends, too. We compromised that he and I would take pictures together and then meet up with them for dinner, and then we would all go to the dance. It took me about 2 months to figure out who I was going to homecoming with.

One day, last school year, I was hanging out with him, and we were asking each other questions about ourselves. Mostly just favorites like favorite candy, favorite movie, favorite restaurant, etc. We were taking turns, and whenever he would ask me what my favorite of something was, it wasn’t just one thing, it was multiple things.
“Green and Purple”, “Twix and Snickers Peanut Butter”, etc.
Or, I would simply respond with, “I don’t really have a favorite of that.”
He would get frustrated that I couldn’t just pick one thing that was my favorite. I couldn’t blame him. I wanted to have a favorite, but I couldn’t choose between things.
And then he said to me, “You’re so indecisive.”