Regret.

Regret is a funny business, if you've read Kierkegaard then you'll know what I mean. If you haven't, well you're not missing much. Here's the rundown, we face either/or dilemmas and ultimately due to our inborn angst, we will always struggle with our decisions, regretting then some way or another regardless of the outcome.

That's important to note, because regret isn't a uniform feeling. It has depth. In that complex emotion there lies various degrees of discomfort, some bearable, some not. The variety of this regret is what makes it unique.

I was a boy. I was a romantic. I was dumb. I was hopeful, maybe too much, maybe the hope wasn't a powerful enough catalyst to propel my courage, and lips, into touching hers.

She was beautiful. She too was young, but mature. Her face had an expression of eternal compassion, where if one were to look at it they would feel true understanding for the first time. She was political.

I loved her, if I had known her; and I did, for a precious bit.

A party of course, an appropriate location. We were the only kids of our age, we were the designated caretaker of the host's young toddler. I'm not a fan of kids, luckily she was. I've noticed that in love there is always a perfect balance between partners.

We talked throughout the night. I was a republican at the time, she a democrat. The purity of her diminished any partisan feeling I had. She was untouched. We confided in another our most sincere dreams, she touched a deep part of me, as if she was surgeon, cutting into my chest with each subtle joke and fling of her hair, until she reached my heart, locked in anticipation of her next words.

I saw this and it was good.

The night was coming to a close...

I thought of kissing her. She might've told her parents, my family would have apologized, I would have to deal with devil back home, but that too, would've came to a close at some point.

I frantically searched for a time, the right one. First kisses it seemed, were a once-in-a-lifetime shot! Only one arrow to shoot with and if you miss Cupid will not reimburse you.

Had I known that anytime is perfect. Had I known that she would've kissed back. Had I known that and more, I would've taken her hands, gently and with the utmost care, looked up at those shining eyes, and pressed my naive lips to her equal innocence.

It didn't turn out that way of course...that's life I suppose. No first kiss can be worth so much trouble.