I am a survivor. Why do I say this? Because from the time I was born I have had a pretty rough upbringing. I was never given a chance to choose the life I wanted for myself. Fate decided that my life would be a “sad story on repeat.” The reason why I am saying this is because my life has been constant sadness, despair, and pain. Fate knew that I would struggle with my life the minute I was born.

I was born to a mother who tried harder than she needed to and a father who didn’t care. My father was never around for my family, so after I was born, my parents got divorced when I was two, and he just left. This hurt me because every kid needs a mother and a father, and when he left, I just had an emptiness in my heart.  Even though my parents divorced, we stayed in Colorado Springs until we moved to Kansas. While we were there I was sexually abused and ended up not telling anyone until I was the age of 13. This really traumatized me and later would result in me having severe depression and other emotional issues.

When we moved to Kansas at the age of 4 because my mom wanted to be closer to  my grandpa things became worse for me. Things were so different for me than my other family members, and I felt safer. I liked living in Kansas, until around 7th or 8th grade when things became difficult for me. I began to have what some people would call “behavioral problems”, but I just called it a hot temper. It was really bad when I was younger, but has softened out some now that I am older. When I was younger, anybody could tell me something and I would start screaming at the top of my lungs. At times that I was angry, I would also become violent. My anger intensified more and more everyday, and some days it was uncontrollable. No one knew when I was going to have one of my “episodes,” but when I had one, things seemed like a tornado ripping through houses. When I was angry, I screamed at the top of my lungs, basically screaming for my life. My scream was like a girl in a horror movie, but less dramatic. I was such an angry child and no one knew why, not even me.

In junior high, I began to endure bullying from my peers. They called me all sorts of names, and made me feel like an outcast. I grew increasingly depressed and started to miss a lot of school.  Times became so hard for me and I began to feel unwanted. My depression gradually got worse and I started to feel like I should’ve just killed myself. I didn’t want to deal with anything anymore and thought that no one understood what I was going through. My feelings just intensified more and more as things just got worse for me. Physically, my body just shut down. Emotionally, my feelings were all over the place. Mentally, my mind was filled with a lot of negative thoughts. So much was going on in my life that I just felt like I was being punished for nothing.

Even though I went through a lot at a very young age, I have learned how to deal with things with a positive outlook. I battle with my depression on a daily basis, sometimes I win, and sometimes I lose, but it’s a work in progress. My family has become supportive of me during my recovery process and I know that even though we don’t always get along, they’re still my family. I try to deal with everything wrong in my life one day at a time, and sometimes things get the best of me, but I always reassure myself that everything will get better. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel and as long as I push myself to limits that I think I can never reach, I’ll be fine.