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Dark Tranquilities
October 28, 2009
Fractured inside my shell,
as I wonder what is about me.
Confused with curious assumptions,
while solace inches me to breathe.
Darkness consuming me,
as it pushes me deeper into my slumber.
A dream, awakening me,
sprouting me out to what lies asunder.
© Joey M., Spokane, WA
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This article has 25 comments.
4everluvjc BRONZE said...
on Nov. 20 2009 at 10:17 am
I really liked it. It had such powerful words. Keep writing.
This is great, I love the description and convoluted order, the only thing is, on the line "solace inches me to breathe", I think you might want to change your wording, because it doesn't make any sense the way it is. But I still love your work use and it just digs at your brain. Great job! (thanks for the comment!)
firstsnowfalls DIAMOND said...
on Nov. 19 2009 at 7:55 pm
very effective and moving. great job. my only suggestion is to try not to repeat 'me' so much. otherwise, great job! if you get a chance would you mind reading/commenting on my poem The Pyramids? i could use some feedback. Thnx! :)
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