As I held her in my arms, wondering were the other part of her may be. Her beautiful brown eyes had caught sight of me. Smiling dreamily as if she knew what was going on. Little did she know that her father was never coming home.
A heart breaking thought, the concept was degrading, but this beautiful first born kept me calm from frustrating. Stressing over a man for nine months every single day. Was the reason her father was in her in every single way. Her eyes, nose, the way here ears made. Her smile was once mines but in the moment it had fade. As she held on to my pinkie as if I promise to be there when times weren’t right, and even though it would be hard I will be there for her most nights. A tear of mines took control and touch the tip of her eye. As I imagine she was saying “momma please don’t cry.”
I wipe my face so slowly thinking life takes and then gives. How her father was taken away and in her he now lives. He told me plenty of times how one day God will call him home, and once when he said that he added “but I want really be gone”. I was confuse and amazed how we loved that very night. Then two days later his soul had took flight. I wasn’t able to be bless the way women should be. So when I was told I was pregnant I knew my husband was with me.
His mother once said how she wanted a grandchild. I was hurt by her words but I stood up as if proud. I wanted a child myself, it was just that I was not able. I could not help that I was told I wasn’t stable. Now her prayer had been answer and it is so hard to believe, how she walked in the room looking better then relieve. As if she seen him also, they way I did my first time. I knew what she was thinking because it also crossed my mind.
I knew my lover would not leave me, I knew God had a way, and even though he is gone no man would ever take his place. No man could ever understand how our love was a rose bush well created, you do not love in just a minute because the quicker it will be faded.
A thousands hugs I was given a million faces she grew to know, and when she ask me were is daddy I tell her that only she knows…