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Growing Gills
Down I plunge into the ocean
Of crashing thoughts and rising lies
Murky water appeared shallow
But tries to deliver me to my demise
I tread water endlessly
Trying to avoid my inevitable drown
I know my efforts are in vain
And so I cry- and so I break down
Submerged beneath the water’s surface
My gasping mouth leaves the fresh air
Die- or learn to breathe
The pure essence of despair
Swallow salty seawater
Embrace the poison in my life
Lap it up, acquire taste
For being cut with my own knife
The pain felt by my mind’s nerves
Has been monumental and obscene
Far worse than what you’ve been through
In the darkest of your childhood dreams
Your sorry eyes gaze down upon me
Sympathy spills form your mouth
But now that I see the pain through retrospect
I’m thankful for that trip down south
This ordeal has given me knowledge
I would’ve never acquired before
Experience I’d have never obtained
Had I stayed safe upon the shore
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This article has 3 comments.
Wow this is really good! I've never been able to write rhyming poems very well, free verse is more of my thing. :)
This flowed really well, and I liked your word choices. There were just the right amount of complex words, just the right amount of simple ones, I thought.
There also seems to be a metaphor of some sort to me, I'm not too sure though. I like the way it makes you think.
In the 2nd stanza though, on the last verse, I think it would sound better if it read, "And so I cry-and I break down." getting rid of the second 'so.'
That's just an idea though, it just kind of disturbed the flow for me when I was reading. :)
But other than that, great job! Keep writing!