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Caustic

May 20, 2014
By Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
More by this author
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;If you&#039;re losing your soul and you know it, then you&#039;ve still got a soul left to lose&rdquo; <br /> ― Charles Bukowski

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Your tongue is caustic, felling
men left and
right,
like buildings in the apocalypse
of your affection,
and I cannot fathom the depths
of your blue eyes,
which speak music to the heart
yet drown me in
apathetic
seas.

© Abigail W., Kamuela, HI

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 7 comments.

WOWriting SILVER said...
on Jun. 4 2014 at 10:46 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
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that's a good technique, i do that sometimes :) u didn't come across as grumpy, don't worry. glad i helped
Jade.I.Am ELITE said...
on Jun. 3 2014 at 11:05 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;If you&#039;re losing your soul and you know it, then you&#039;ve still got a soul left to lose&rdquo; <br /> ― Charles Bukowski

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No it's okay! Great criticism, thank you. Actually, a lot of my poems are started off of a single word that I find pretty or interesting, and the word for this one happened to be "caustic" :P. Sorry if I came off as a but grumpy, and thanks for your feedback! I appreciate it.
WOWriting SILVER said...
on Jun. 3 2014 at 11:10 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
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Ur welcome :) I didn't mean adjectives i just meant sort of... complicated words. they do hold some value (obviously, they're words) but i just find them a bit irrelevant maybe? Sorry i don't mean to be mean.
Jade.I.Am ELITE said...
on Jun. 2 2014 at 8:40 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;If you&#039;re losing your soul and you know it, then you&#039;ve still got a soul left to lose&rdquo; <br /> ― Charles Bukowski

View profile
There are only 6 adjectives and 3 of them are the word "your". Thanks for reading though :)
WOWriting SILVER said...
on Jun. 2 2014 at 2:59 pm
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
View profile
I like the meaning behind this, but I feel like you've kind of put in too many adjectives just because it's a poem? I don't no if it's because i'm simple or something... :) However, I can feel the passion in this and I still really like it :D
Jade.I.Am ELITE said...
on May. 25 2014 at 11:12 pm
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;If you&#039;re losing your soul and you know it, then you&#039;ve still got a soul left to lose&rdquo; <br /> ― Charles Bukowski

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Sure thing (:
Olivia-Atlet ELITE said...
on May. 25 2014 at 10:21 pm
Olivia-Atlet ELITE, Dardenne Prairie, Missouri
325 articles 10 photos 1165 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To these the past hath its phantoms,<br /> More real than solid earth;<br /> And to these death does not mean decay,<br /> But only another birth" <br /> - Isabella Banks

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that's really great! Can u read my poem? TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/672369/Why-is-Why-So-Hard-to-Answer/?page=1