With all the love and hate, and loving-to-hate whirling around this Twilight business, is there anyone else who found this book extremely hilarious?! Generally, I am a staunch protester of the overuse of LOL because, um, who actually laughs out loud when they get a stupid text from their friend? Naah, they smirk maybe, or their brain silently laughs- but I only text LOL if I actually laughed out loud.
Which I did. While reading Twilight.
Because Stephanie Meyers is a very funny woman.
I truly didn't detest this book like most people who call themselves "book connoisseurs" do- I thought the half-assed romance was sweet, and the cover was freaking awesome. But the thing I loved about Twilight? I laughed so hard while reading it; I'm still catching my breath.
So Bella Swan moves to Forks where it's veeery rainy. Bella is a klutz, and absolutely, positively ordinary. Extraordinarily ordinary- never forget what a plain, boring girl she is. (Four guys asked her to prom? Ehh, details. Also, "you should have seen the thoughts going through all the boys in the school's heads when she walked in.")
She meets a beautiful, dazzling boy who is veeery cold, and GLARES at her on the first day of school. Oh dear, Bella thinks. "He is so mean. It's not fair." (VERBATIM!) So that was my first true LOL moment- when Bella Swan is shocked by the fact that people are mean and life is not fair.
Then there's the discovery that Edward- the handsome, muscled one with marble arms- SPARKLES. He glimmers in the sunlight, as if a thousand tiny crystals were embedded in his skin. HAHAHA! Anyone else here found the humor in that? How can you not laugh when He Who Dazzes also Sparkles??
Oooh, the tension. Edward wants to eat Bella so bad that every kiss is torture for him. In fact, sitting next to her in biology is torture for him. Bella is Edward's "heroin"- but she loves him so much that she doesn't care. As Edward so wisely put it, "Bella, silly."
Edward can't have, uh, intercourse with Bella because he needs perfect control when with her and he can't lose control while they have, uh, intercourse. (Let's not forget, he's not HUMAN but he is a MAN. This made my stomach hurt, I was cracking up so bad...)There's this slight age difference, you know, Bella's seventeen and Edwards a century and a few, but since most of the action going on consists of Edward's marble fingers stroking Bella's cheekbones, the underage/overage thing didn't really bother me.
I think the funniest parts of the books were when Edward "snarled." Luckily, he did it a lot. He reads some thoughts in strangers heads about Bella- those perverts- and "you have no idea how hard it is for me not to kill him." (Personally, I think thoughts are the most intimate part of a person, and walking around reading peoples thoughts, Edward sparkle-honey, makes you the mental equivalent of a Peeping Tom.)
The boy has anger issues, violence issues, age-issues, and confidence issues. (He and Micheal Jackson.) But Bella loooves him, and first love, what can you do? Yeah, so the guy is old, yeah, so Bella's an idiot. Who cares?
Read this book for the laughs, and the oh-so-tender-Edward-strokes-Bella's-cheekbone moments. For the gags and the Edward-sparkles-like-a-big-shiny-diamond descriptions. Read it for Edward's snarls, I swear, they're worth it.

MY ONE ISSUE WITH THE BOOK: Edward watches Bella sleep. Without her permission. Bella finds out and doesn't send dazzle-man flying. Bella, stand up for women everywhere- I don't care if Edward just enjoys hearing you prettily talk in your sleep- IT. IS. WRONG.